It's raining today, the kind of rain I generally enjoy - slow, quiet, ongoing. The kind of rain that makes me want to curl up with a book and/or my boy and laze away the day.
Today, though, something's off. Instead of being comforting, the rain just feels grey and gloomy. It's making my mood not good.
I think it's because I would rather be alone. And that one thing is what I really want, really need, really crave, yet I cannot have it.
So go out! people tell me. But the problem is not that I can't go out. I can leave anytime I want. The problem is, I will have to come back. Come back to an apartment that I used to refer to as my house. It's no longer mine. Nothing is mine anymore.
And sometimes, even that doesn't bother me so much. What really gets me, what drives this depression and anger, is that no-one asked for my permission. No-one said, "Hey, do you mind if I commandeer your life?" And I'm being overly dramatic here.
But it would be nice to be asked before she takes my clothes.
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