Love Letters

In my feeble attempt to clean up my office, I started going through my files. Truth be told, I should not even have to do this, but the geniuses who packed my apartment in DC decided to pull the files from the filing cabinent and put them into boxes, instead of just taping the damn cabinet shut.

Bygones.

The two boxes are pretty chaotic, since the paperwork in the files fell all over the place while in transit. So last night, while talking to my boy, I just started reaching in a box to grab whatever was there. There's a lot of silly stuff; papers I thought I'd need forever, but while most likely be shredded. Well, they'll get shredded as soon as I have a strong urge to take 25 bags of shredded paper to the garbage.

I found some other papers, papers that I will keep. Papers that I immediately recognized, but could not read at the time because I was talking to my boy and it seemed unfair. I also knew I'd get lost in memories and as much fun as that is, I need to focus on now and the future. And I know that the boy is my future.

So, today I'm indulging myself. I found old love letters from three past boyfriends. The letters are amazing to read, not only because it absolutely amazes me that someone loved me enough to put it in writing and mail a letter to me, but also because the letters are such snapshots in time.

The first are from Ryan, who was my first love. The letters are young, silly, and so very careful. It's like he was afraid to express his feelings in writing, which isn't too strange, considering that we were 16-ish. I doubt my letters to him were much better. Still, I have letters and cards from him over time. The first letters are from when I first moved, and the last are from 1997. That's an 8-year affair. Needless to say, our relationship was very rocky.

The next set are from Thomas, who I dated when I was 18-19. His letters are careful, but for a different reason. Where Ryan lived more with his heart on his sleeve, Thomas was more reticent to express his feelings. In later letters, he did tell me his feelings, and I'm so glad that I got to know him during that time.

The last set are from Jim, who I dated when I was 22-23. Jim's letters are gorgeous, because he found it easy to tell me how he felt about me. He also was (is?) a very good writer. He got his inspiration from music and that inform his skills.

OK, enough of that. I hope I get to keep these letters forever. Every few years I like to indulge myself in remininescence, and the letters are a great way for me to remember the girl I was.