Jealousy

I was talking with my friend B. about this, and also talking (in a more roundabout fashion) to the boy about it as well. I try not to be a jealous person, but I have to admit that I feel territorial around my friends. I want my friends to all like each other, but not too much, because I fear losing that close friendship I've enjoyed.

It's gotten easier over time. In my 20s, I was pretty damn jealous, because I was so insecure about my own worth as a person. Mostly, that kind of jealousy didn't work out too well for me, because as it turns out, when someone wants your company, it's a compliment. When s/he wants all your time, it's irritating and forces that person to withdraw from the pressure.

Fast forward to now. My relationship with the boy is unconventional, to say the least. He tells me that I have to get over being jealous. I'm not sure how successful I can be at that. I can hide the feeling more than I can do away with it. He tells me that he doesn't get jealous, but then sounds more than a little concerned about some of my past entanglments.

So, how to cope? If I hide my feelings, I'll eventually get bitter and feel like I'm not being heard, which, as we know, does not end well. But I don't want to harp on those feelings either. Processing and re-processing feelings gets tiring too.

Still got a lot to learn, I guess.