Found It!

It's been an interesting 24 hours, as slightly referenced by the post below. I've spent some time twisting in the wind, trying to figure some things out. I finally got it.

I've been living with my actions and my thoughts at almost absolute opposites. That clearly was not working. I remember my first appointment with a doctor, when I said that I felt like my power was gone.

Power's back! And it feels a lot sweeter to finally recognize it and realize that being who I really am is not a bad thing. I've spent so much time trying to transform myself into some ideal. I'm not some ideal; I'm me.

And why try to deny it? I'm awesome!

And the best side effect? That SOB who raped me can no longer have any power over me. Fuck him. I wasted too much time. Now, this is all about me, and I will celebrate the things I do well, and not care about the things I do not do well.

I wish I could buy myself another present.