Oxytocin

Now that the trip's been postponed, I've been feeling a little down. My kilter's a bit off; I've been needy and clingy. I've needed the boy to reassure me more often than normal that he loves me.

(Aside: I get clingy and needy because I've had a lot of close friends drop out of my life. At this point, I'm kinda accustomed to it, as sad as that sounds. So I expect people to leave, and probably, folks, I create a self-fulfilling prophesy. But that's a story for another time.)

Being away from him is really hard. We're as close as two people can be who can't actually lay eyes on each other. I was getting so excited to be able to watch him and touch him and just feel his energy around me. Having that taken away shook me. So last night, after I told him that I had an interview today, I asked, "Honey, if I'm good, and get this job, and work hard and save my money, can I please come see you in September?" He said yes - in fact, he seemed a little taken aback. I think he forgets that it was his idea to postpone the trip.

My Facebook status last night was something to the effect of needing an oxytocin fix. Not Oxycontin, the drug, but oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Because I really do need it, folks, I need the feeling I get when I'm physically near him.

So we wait for September and keep our fingers crossed that I got this job!