Should I

Be honest? I mentioned before about getting a new blog, an anonymous one, where I felt freer. I think knowing that people actually read this is scaring me. My sister, an old friend... I think I thought that I could control who reads this by telling the few I wanted about its existence. But my brother reads it - sometimes, I guess. My sister tells me that I make her laugh. R, reads this. God only knows about the number of people I've invited on MySpace, since, in my blog there, there's a link.

Maybe that's the freeing part. Maybe I should stop worrying so much and be me. Goodness knows, I gave R. a lot of shit tonight about his armor. Perhaps too quick to judge? I definitely have my fair share. He gave me shit about thinking everything was about me.

God, as much as I'd love, love, luurrrvve to think it's all about me, it's not. (Perhaps I do love the vanity.) However, I did try to hurt R. and his wife's relationship, because I was selfish. Because I wanted him. Not because I wanted him, really, but because at that point I needed to feel more important.

I wish there was a way to apologize to R.'s wife. She definitely deserves it. And wherever you are, C., I'm really sorry. Talking to your husband tonight was not to hurt you. It was just to check in, and probably, affirm myself.