The Usefulness Of Disagreements

I was thinking today about what could have been a pretty big blow-out between the boy and me last week. Luckily, it didn't become one, mostly because I needed to get to bed and it wasn't worth it. But still...while we agree on most topics, we pretty strongly disagree on the role of religion in people's lives and on the necessity of being right.

I'm sure I drive him crazy in my desire to see all sides to all stories, and my almost pathological need to avoid conflict. Yet he can get my cockles to stand on end, and finally did.

After he was going on about how he knew everything about the Bible and religion (he was raised pretty strictly) and how a friend of mine clearly didn't, I finally just snapped. "Jesus Christ, do you think I'd befriend an idiot?" I said. I know I completely missed the point, but still. I respect this friend's education and his knowledge and I don't appreciate the boy thinking he can denigrate that.

Which leads me to this: Like I said, I'll do almost anything to avoid conflict in my interpersonal life. I think this bothers the boy sometimes. He's alluded to that fact on occasion. Me snapping at him got him to calm down (and back down) and we were able to finish our conversation on a good note.

So, is there a role in relationships for disagreements and the occasional true argument? Does that make the other person realize that there could be an end to the relationship and work harder to stay close?

Maybe. Or maybe it's just true for the boy and me. This doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to pick fights, but it might mean that I don't back down so easily.