The Most Healing Conversation

This post concerns a conversation I had back in April, so if you already know the story, and especially if you're B. or Wade and had to hear it ad nauseum, feel free to skip this one. Also, I don't have permission to talk about this, so if it's even more vague than usual, that's why.*

During my first trip to Birmingham this year, I got to spend time with an ex, who I'd not seen since, oh, say, before the turn of the millennium. I was excited to see him, to see the man he's become, to see if we could be friends. We talked, the group of us, for a while, and yes, of course, there were cocktails involved. Social lubricant, people! Can you imagine how many conversations you'd've never had were it not for the help of a martini or so?

The ex and I finally got a chance to talk, just the two of us, and we ended up hashing out our relationship. It occurred to me, about ten minutes into this talk, that I was actually getting to have the fabled "closure" conversation. We talked about why we got along, why we didn't, and we talked about our favorites memories of each other and of the long-gone 'us'.

It was interesting to hear his memories of me, like how I wrap my hair in a giant turban after a shower. It was funnier to hear that all those times I thought he was annoyed with me when I'd distract him from studying, he actually was never annoyed but playing along. (Well done! I had no idea, and I had no idea you were that good of an actor.) It was bittersweet to talk about a Valentine's Day we had together, when he drove two-and-a-half hours to surprise me at work, and how he left a New Year's Eve party that he was hosting because I insisted on a kiss at midnight.

These are now good memories, and I feel really, forgive the turn of phrase, validated in having that conversation. It means a lot to me to know that I meant a lot to him. I never believe that I am, or ever was, as important to another person as s/he is/was to me.

I wish I could have this conversation with my other significant others.

This post courtesy of reading Cary Tennis for an extended time today. If you've not started reading his advice column, you really should start. There's a pure method to his rambling madness. And a sweetness and a forgiveness that I appreciate more than I could express.

* I got permission, which is why this post is still here. And I send thanks to the man who let me keep it online.