The Danger of Money

The other day, my friend B. sent me an email telling me that her boy mentioned that he might be having financial issues. Because she is awesome, she would really like to help him.

A few months back, my boy and I were discussing his possible return to school. He really should continue his education. I really, really want to help him pay for it. I offered, and he was delighted, and that was about the end of that conversation.

A few days after my offer, I began to reconsider. Money creates messes where none need to be made.

I would feel ownership in his education if I paid for my boy to return to school. Also, I think that giving him money would create a power imbalance in our relationship. It's one thing to treat a friend to lunch, or buy groceries, or fill a gas tank. It's quite another to find thousands of dollars to spend for another's education. It would be different if we were married, or close to it. Then it would be an investment for both of us.

I think my boy was mulling the same thoughts, from the opposite prospective, because after a while, we stopped discussing my paying for his school. It's just too messy. I don't want him to feel indebted to me. Of course it would be a gift and not a loan, but the feelings would still be there.

I never want him to feel obligated to keep me in his life. I never want to feel obligated to keep him in mine. For now, things are best as they are - we provide emotional support and advice to each other, and keep financials out of it. I think B. made the same decision.

Money sometimes sucks.