I'm Thinking

I really can't think of anything to write. It's curious to me because while I was waiting for bar results, I once again became such a manic blogger - there was so much in my head all the time. Now, it seems like I'm withdrawing. I guess it's because I'm feeling insecure about so many things.

Momma's surgery is once again on hold. Hopefully we'll have some good news by the end of next week. Watching her reaction as I told her the news today damn near broke my heart. I'm not sure how much more of this she can take. And in my inimitable style, the only thing I could think to tell her was that we're no worse off than we were when we thought the surgery would be on the 30th. Yeah. Not very helpful. I'm just not sure how to manage someone who occasionally is ready to give up the ghost.

I've been trying to write cover letters. I hate writing cover letters. I hate marketing myself. To me, it's embarrassing and just a bit too forward. I am sure of what I can do, so why should I have to explain it? And yet, I think, I'm not really any better than anyone else. I think I told you all that I was terrible at selling girl scout cookies, and that when I was a senior in high school, Momma paid all of my fees rather than making me go door-to-door to sell magazines. I've always hated having to sell. Clearly that includes me as well.

Still nothing with my DATE. I'm just going to have to let it go. Damn. I really thought I could like him.

I think the biggest thing for me is that I've got no control over anything. I can't fix Momma; hell, I'm sometimes thinking that I'm barely hanging on myself.

The other day, I remembered that I'm the only one who gets to control me. Yeah, I know, contrary to the above paragraph-light. But I've picked one thing I can control, and I feel good about that, even though it's tough. But tough things make us tougher, right?