Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Honesty And The Pain, Revisited

So I went home and I tried to hide it. I managed through the weekend. But I was scared. Really scared. I didn't know where he had been. So, this is what I did...

I went to work on Monday. On Mondays we had team meetings in my boss' office. I knew that the last thing I wanted was to be in a small room with a bunch of men. (Where I worked, the employees were mostly men.) So I stood outside of my boss' office, but still in his eyesight.

(Background: While I was at the party, my boss saw my date, and said to me, essentially, "Do what you have to to get him to come back!") So clearly I didn't want to see my boss either.

When my boss saw me outside his door, he said, basically, "Oh, you're still messed up, that's why you don't want to come in here. I made it through the meeting, barely hanging on.

After the meeting, I went to my best work friend's office, and just burst into tears. I couldn't stand it. How did this happen?

(Yeah, yeah: Other work friends told me, later, that he spent the evening telling them how much he loved me. Nice.)

My best work friend just held me. I cried on her for what felt like hours, but was probably 20 minutes. I then pulled it together, and went back to work.

But it felt like a second betrayal. Not only did this jerkoff abuse me, but my then boss kinda endorsed it.

And no, the asshole didn't return to the company.

Next - the fun-filled doctor's visit. Later, my friends' reactions.

1 comment:

John Manzo said...

I've been wanting to comment, but I got home from vacation late last week and have not had much time on the computer.

I do recall this event very well and I do remember the pain and the angst you went through. If I recall, a significant part of it was the pain of total betrayal by someone you thought you could trust.

I do wish you that were able to prosecute the maggot who did this to you. I would think that a few years with a cell mate who was 6'8, 350 pounds of muscle, gay, with a high sex drive might have been a just reward for his endeavors. Sadly, we see this story played out all too often. It makes one not particular proud of one's gender.

I cannot tell you that I know how you feel as your feelings are beyond my ability to fathom. I would suspect hurt and rage do a magnificent dance in your soul when you think about this.