Disintegration

In order to complete destroy myself for the bar, I've been exploring the sadness that I often feel and try very hard to hide.

Last night (and, yes, right now), it got the best of me. The random of Winamp bit me. The song Disintegration came on. And yes, I listened to it about 8 times. I looked all over the not-yet-completely unpacked apartment to find the CD. Of course I couldn't find it, and of course I took it as a sign.

It's not. I know, logically, that it's not. But still, the part of me that never believes in myself took it that way. And I still have a desire to rip this apartment apart to find it. And when I do, I will play it endlessly again. I might even find a way to be more annoying than the last time I devoured it. Last time, it was the end of a college relationship, and I (actually) listened to it in the dark and wrote bad poetry while listening.

I hope no-one ever has a copy of my bad, manic poetry.