5:40am

It's really early, you guys. I've been up since three and there's only so many Law & Order reruns I can watch before I need a break.

And by break, I mean that I think I just announced to the internet that I'm poor. I am, of course, not poor, but I am also not rolling around in dollar bills, y'all, giggling and wondering where next to dive into the dollar bill pool.

I totally wish I could do that. Doesn't that sound like fun? I mean, barring the potential paper cuts. Maybe I'll have a dollar-bill pool that only has old, softened dollar bills. But then I'd worry about germs.

I can't win.

Speaking of germs, I went into a mall food court bathroom today. I considered, briefly, using the facilities, but the smell of human waste and despair, plus the alarming number of women who were on their cell phones while using a mall food court bathroom were quite the deterrents. Ladies, what possible conversation could not wait until leaving a public restroom? Even in an emergency, pants down to your ankles in public, what could you possibly do?

But hey, no judgment here. It's a personal lifestyle choice to inflict the power sound of flushing toilets onto your hapless caller. Who knows? Maybe the next generation will have toilet-flushing fetishes!