This week has been a crazy-fest as I get ready to go see the boy. It's strange to know that I'm capable of achieving so many things in so many days. Generally, I'm quite lazy. So here's my recap:
Monday: Had a friend over. At least I managed to clean the common areas and after that, relax and enjoy the evening.
Tuesday: I got my dry cleaning over, learned that my opera dress couldn't be cleaned there, but got a referral, and got a mani-pedi and a wax. Oh, and I downloaded the songs for Momma's birthday CD (and maybe a few for myself). I also arranged a ride to the airport and checked in with some friends.
Wednesday: Picked up said dry cleaning, refilled a script I'll need, along with some other essentials (i.e. batteries), and found my suitcase. Talked with my great aunt and the boy, and got one of my favorite ever text messages from him: P.S. I love you!
Thursday (planned): Get my dress, turn in my paperwork, then pick up Biggs and Momma's presents (tomorrow is her birthday!) and taking them to her place, and then packing. Ugh. I hate packing.
Friday: Friend will take me to the airport, where I will beg him to pick me up on the 8th. Hours later - Seattle! Explorations and fun.
I'll try to update you on my (mis)adventures.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Four Days And Counting...
I'm on my way to Seattle early Friday. I cannot wait! I also really hope I can find someone who's willing to take me to the airport at 7am. Wouldn't be mad if you volunteered!
It's been an up-and-down journey to get on this trip, as you long-time readers know. I've been nervous, happy, overly anticipatory, idiotic, all those things. But I read something good the other day (Yes, yes, it was Cary Tennis...) that said that we should not put expectations on what's to come, but to enjoy the moments. So I'm focused on that. Enjoy the boy. Relax, be silly, watch bad movies, eat unbelievable food, and just don't worry.
Fingers crossed. But I'm going regardless, so fingers even more crossed.
It's been an up-and-down journey to get on this trip, as you long-time readers know. I've been nervous, happy, overly anticipatory, idiotic, all those things. But I read something good the other day (Yes, yes, it was Cary Tennis...) that said that we should not put expectations on what's to come, but to enjoy the moments. So I'm focused on that. Enjoy the boy. Relax, be silly, watch bad movies, eat unbelievable food, and just don't worry.
Fingers crossed. But I'm going regardless, so fingers even more crossed.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Halloween Movie Reviews
I'm generally not allowed to watch horror movies. This rule was created when I was in seventh grade or so and watched a special on Jack the Ripper and freaked out so badly I had to talk to my best friend until her mother got pissed. Later, it was reinforced when my ninth-grade goth friends and I thought it'd be a great idea to watch all the Halloween movies and then play hide-and-go-seek. In the dark. In a playground. Essentially, my friends have banned me from horror movies because I completely suspend my disbelief and buy in.
This weekend I was in the mood to watch horror movies. Luckily, this story has a happier ending, as these movies weren't enough to set off my fear settings. Yet. Writing about this pretty much ensures that I won't sleep tonight, so if I call you in fear, feel free to mock, but be kind when doing it, OK?
My friend and I first watched the Rob-Zombie-directed version of Halloween. Wow, was that not good. Michael Myers became a serial killer because he had a mean step-daddy? Anyway, my friend and I had a great time determining the reasons why each victim had to die. You know, a la Scream. I only had to cover my eyes twice because of the gore, which means it surely wasn't bloody enough. Best part? The use of Don't Fear The Reaper. Not because it was unexpected, but because of the placement of the song in the movie.
Next, we watched The Mist. Also not good. I did enjoy Marcia Gay Harden's performance though, and seriously, folks? The best part of the movie was the tentacles. My friend and I randomly yelled, "Tentacles!" whenever the mist was featured. This cannot be a good sign. My friend said it was a Lovecraft ripoff, and I'll have to take his word for it, as I have no read any Lovecraft. (Despite the quote of his I use at the top of this blog, I know.)
And that's what I did this weekend.
This weekend I was in the mood to watch horror movies. Luckily, this story has a happier ending, as these movies weren't enough to set off my fear settings. Yet. Writing about this pretty much ensures that I won't sleep tonight, so if I call you in fear, feel free to mock, but be kind when doing it, OK?
My friend and I first watched the Rob-Zombie-directed version of Halloween. Wow, was that not good. Michael Myers became a serial killer because he had a mean step-daddy? Anyway, my friend and I had a great time determining the reasons why each victim had to die. You know, a la Scream. I only had to cover my eyes twice because of the gore, which means it surely wasn't bloody enough. Best part? The use of Don't Fear The Reaper. Not because it was unexpected, but because of the placement of the song in the movie.
Next, we watched The Mist. Also not good. I did enjoy Marcia Gay Harden's performance though, and seriously, folks? The best part of the movie was the tentacles. My friend and I randomly yelled, "Tentacles!" whenever the mist was featured. This cannot be a good sign. My friend said it was a Lovecraft ripoff, and I'll have to take his word for it, as I have no read any Lovecraft. (Despite the quote of his I use at the top of this blog, I know.)
And that's what I did this weekend.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
It's Done
After some time talking with my mother, my sister, and most importantly, the boy, I have bought my tickets to go see him. The boy and I have had some communication difficulties lately, not made easier by his hectic schedule and my competing desires to hide in a corner and go to bed super-early.
But the boy and I had a talk on Sunday. Well, I did most of the talking. He listened (!) and let me ramble on about what's been stewing in my head. And I am about 100% happier than I was last week.
So I now have tickets. And a sense of excitement that I can barely contain. I've been so nervous, as you long-time readers know. Nervous that create neuroses. And I'm sure that I'll have anxiety pangs as it gets closer. But more than anything else, I'm thrilled.
17 days to go.
But the boy and I had a talk on Sunday. Well, I did most of the talking. He listened (!) and let me ramble on about what's been stewing in my head. And I am about 100% happier than I was last week.
So I now have tickets. And a sense of excitement that I can barely contain. I've been so nervous, as you long-time readers know. Nervous that create neuroses. And I'm sure that I'll have anxiety pangs as it gets closer. But more than anything else, I'm thrilled.
17 days to go.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Fear
Fear entangles me, making me react like a wounded animal. Instead of explaining how I feel and asking for help, I snap and bite and try to wound those around me. How this strategy could possibly get me what I need, I don't know. Maybe I wish my mom could come around, see through the facade, and fix me. She used to be able to. Why can't she do it now?
For that matter, why can't you do it? Why don't you have the skills and insight to see beyond my act? I really wish you did. It would be far easier for me to relax into your knowledge of me than for me to have to show it to you, step by messy step. Could you do that for me please?
Could you assuage my fears? Could you convince me that I'm placing too much import on a short period of time? Could you sift through the layers and confusing emotions that are creating a tidal wave of intertwining scenarios?
I can't seem to do it. I can't seem to speak clearly and simply of what's going through my head. I can suss out small portions and identify them. This is good; it's a first step. But naming the issue offers no solutions. And I sit with these tiny salient details, trying to make sense of them. Yet they cannot exist in a vacuum, and my head can't just take one thing at a time. I continually try to clarify the whole with the little bits of insight. And in doing this, I will fail.
But I will take some solace in the self-examination I've achieved. I will forgive myself the tiny bits - eventually.
And I will listen to these songs on repeat until my center calms a little bit: Fireflies by Owl City and Wonderful by Gary Go.
For that matter, why can't you do it? Why don't you have the skills and insight to see beyond my act? I really wish you did. It would be far easier for me to relax into your knowledge of me than for me to have to show it to you, step by messy step. Could you do that for me please?
Could you assuage my fears? Could you convince me that I'm placing too much import on a short period of time? Could you sift through the layers and confusing emotions that are creating a tidal wave of intertwining scenarios?
I can't seem to do it. I can't seem to speak clearly and simply of what's going through my head. I can suss out small portions and identify them. This is good; it's a first step. But naming the issue offers no solutions. And I sit with these tiny salient details, trying to make sense of them. Yet they cannot exist in a vacuum, and my head can't just take one thing at a time. I continually try to clarify the whole with the little bits of insight. And in doing this, I will fail.
But I will take some solace in the self-examination I've achieved. I will forgive myself the tiny bits - eventually.
And I will listen to these songs on repeat until my center calms a little bit: Fireflies by Owl City and Wonderful by Gary Go.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Birthday
Today is my brother's 45th birthday. I know what you're thinking - heck, you don't look old enough to have a brother that old!
You are correct. I do not look that old.
My brother has always been such an awesome force in my life. He pretty much was my father figure - he fixed my boo-boos, he let me sleep with him when I was little and had nightmares, he listened to me and read me endless stories. He also gave me my love of Rush and a passing appreciation for The Lord of the Rings trilogy. (To be accurate, I've only ever read - ok, skimmed, Bored of the Rings.)
I'm glad to have such a great man in my life. He's accomplished so much. You know what? I already wrote a love letter to my brother last year, and I can't top it. So just check it out already.
You are correct. I do not look that old.
My brother has always been such an awesome force in my life. He pretty much was my father figure - he fixed my boo-boos, he let me sleep with him when I was little and had nightmares, he listened to me and read me endless stories. He also gave me my love of Rush and a passing appreciation for The Lord of the Rings trilogy. (To be accurate, I've only ever read - ok, skimmed, Bored of the Rings.)
I'm glad to have such a great man in my life. He's accomplished so much. You know what? I already wrote a love letter to my brother last year, and I can't top it. So just check it out already.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Hell Yeah, I've Got A Case Of The Mondays
Occasionally I get the dumbest questions I could possibly imagine. To wit:
Customer: So you'll pull my credit report?
Me: Yes. You need to have a least a score of XXX to qualify. We'll look at all three scores from the three credit reporting agencies.
Customer: You'll use the highest score, right?
Me: No, we use the middle score.
Customer: Which one is that?
Me: ...
Me: The middle score is the one we'll use.
Customer: Well, what will be it?
Me: Are you asking me what your middle score will be?
Customer: Yes, exactly! What's my middle score?
Folks, it took everything I had not to say, when answering "Which one is that?", "The one in the middle."
And it's taking even more not to submit this to Not Always Right.
Customer: So you'll pull my credit report?
Me: Yes. You need to have a least a score of XXX to qualify. We'll look at all three scores from the three credit reporting agencies.
Customer: You'll use the highest score, right?
Me: No, we use the middle score.
Customer: Which one is that?
Me: ...
Me: The middle score is the one we'll use.
Customer: Well, what will be it?
Me: Are you asking me what your middle score will be?
Customer: Yes, exactly! What's my middle score?
Folks, it took everything I had not to say, when answering "Which one is that?", "The one in the middle."
And it's taking even more not to submit this to Not Always Right.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
She's Simply Stunning.
These past couple of days that I've been able to enjoy with Lucy have amazed me. Taken me completely aback. I didn't know I could fall in love so fast.
I mean, really. Look at this creature:
She's stunning. She makes precious baby noises. She curls into me when she's ready for a deep sleep, so I wrap her closer into my body. When she's napping, she does poses while on my lap.
Today we had a long chat about how she'll never make the mistakes I've made, because she won't ever know that love is conditional with some people.
I could cuddle this little girl forever. And, as her parents know, quite possibly devour her.
Best part of tonight: Her dad came back and checked all of her digits to make sure they were still intact. I've been threatening to eat her for days now.
I mean, really. Look at this creature:
She's stunning. She makes precious baby noises. She curls into me when she's ready for a deep sleep, so I wrap her closer into my body. When she's napping, she does poses while on my lap.
Today we had a long chat about how she'll never make the mistakes I've made, because she won't ever know that love is conditional with some people.
I could cuddle this little girl forever. And, as her parents know, quite possibly devour her.
Best part of tonight: Her dad came back and checked all of her digits to make sure they were still intact. I've been threatening to eat her for days now.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
An Open Letter To Lucy
Welcome to the world, little girl! I hope you won't mind that I intend to call you LucyBug. Probably forever, or until you're old enough to threaten me if I do it again.
I cannot think of a child that was more wanted. Lucy, your wonderful parents love you beyond any sense of language. There are not the words for the admiration, joy, inspiration, and love that you generate at a mere glance. You are already an amazing person, and with each tiny new thing that you learn, you will become even more extraordinary to all who get the privilege of knowing you.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here. I love you and I've not yet met you (see you tomorrow night!). You've given me a sense of wonder that I've not felt for a while. Something tells me that you'll continue to inspire me.
Lucy, this world is an imperfect place. Luckily, you've got safe haven with your parents. I know beyond knowing that were they able, they would stop time and move heaven and earth to protect you. You will occasionally drive them mad. They will still love you. You will sometimes make them laugh. They will still love you. As they learn your personality and help you navigate the world, your parents will always know awe-inspiring happiness in taking care of you.
Make no mistake, though, LucyBug. You will fall down. You will get hurt, both physically and emotionally. But you'll also have the softest of landings. When you're little, you will cry and your parents won't know why. But trust them, because they put you above everything else they have in their lives. And nothing you could ever do will change that.
Be brave. Be kind. Be honest. Be loving. Sometimes wear your heart on your sleeve. Insist that people treat you with the respect and integrity that you deserve. Know that there are people all around you who love you, simply because you're you. Please know that being exactly who you are is more than enough.
(And if you call me Kisstine, you will own my heart forever. If you don't, well, you'll still have a life estate in it.)
Welcome.
I cannot think of a child that was more wanted. Lucy, your wonderful parents love you beyond any sense of language. There are not the words for the admiration, joy, inspiration, and love that you generate at a mere glance. You are already an amazing person, and with each tiny new thing that you learn, you will become even more extraordinary to all who get the privilege of knowing you.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here. I love you and I've not yet met you (see you tomorrow night!). You've given me a sense of wonder that I've not felt for a while. Something tells me that you'll continue to inspire me.
Lucy, this world is an imperfect place. Luckily, you've got safe haven with your parents. I know beyond knowing that were they able, they would stop time and move heaven and earth to protect you. You will occasionally drive them mad. They will still love you. You will sometimes make them laugh. They will still love you. As they learn your personality and help you navigate the world, your parents will always know awe-inspiring happiness in taking care of you.
Make no mistake, though, LucyBug. You will fall down. You will get hurt, both physically and emotionally. But you'll also have the softest of landings. When you're little, you will cry and your parents won't know why. But trust them, because they put you above everything else they have in their lives. And nothing you could ever do will change that.
Be brave. Be kind. Be honest. Be loving. Sometimes wear your heart on your sleeve. Insist that people treat you with the respect and integrity that you deserve. Know that there are people all around you who love you, simply because you're you. Please know that being exactly who you are is more than enough.
(And if you call me Kisstine, you will own my heart forever. If you don't, well, you'll still have a life estate in it.)
Welcome.
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