Oh, Hai, Guilt!

I'm trying to figure out how to assuage my guilt. (And fortunately, due to my boy, I can now pronounce the word correctly.)

Since last Sunday - not yesterday, but a week prior, I haven't had a single actual conversation with Momma. I know it's been bad, for us both, living together, but it occurs to me today exactly my role in it. Really, I hate that my life is being observed, calendared, and (at least mentally) commented upon. Despite all the writing I do here, I am a very private person and I prefer to control the amount of information another person gets about me.

Yet, I feel badly with today's realization that Momma probably dreads coming back to my apartment, knowing that she'll get little, if any, interaction. Because that's the way it's been. If I see her approaching, I immediately go to my office and get online and stay here until she goes to bed. Today, she snuck in and I was watching TV, so I turned off Tool Academy and turned on the Law & Order marathon and then went to sleep.

I wonder how much she hates living here now. It used to be better - I know, not really, but back then we actually had conversations. Now, I guess I got what I asked for - a roommate and not a family member. But I wonder what's going on in her head. I wonder what she has planned for her future.

And, honestly, folks, I think about how one day she'll be gone, and I'll rue the lost opportunities I have with her now.