Because there's bound be to be many emotions as I go await the surgeon, I'm just going to keep writing as thoughts occur to me. I'll post, then edit, and then rinse, reuse, and recycle.
First thought: I am inexplicably angry at the guy who was supposed to go with me to see NIN tomorrow. For the past few weeks, I've just felt sad and kinda humiliated and abandoned. Now I'm just pissed. I realize that $100 is not a lot of money for him, but it is for me. I was really looking forward to having some fun. I think this feeling is coming from worry about Momma and my lack of control over my life in general these days. However, it could just be that agreeing to do something, and then not doing it, is shitty. It's shittier to do it (or not) without notice.
Am now trying really hard not to get a visual of the surgery. Distraction: check email, continue game of Bejeweled 2.
Was wrong; surgery started just now - 3:45pm.
Now that I've left a VM for my father, am now obsessively watching the door because I'm afraid he'll show up, bringing his crocodile tears and endless need to touch me.
I could eat paint, I'm so hungry.
Made call re: hungry. Hopefully will at least get some fries or something in an hour.
The random guy who changed the channel on the TV in the waiting room is now forcing us all to watch a special on digestive disorders. Suddenly, am not so hungry.
Sorry, folks, it's not as much fun to blog as if I'm Tweeting. If I have a decent topic, I'll blog, otherwise, just follow me.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It's About Time!
After doing my daily surfing, I came across this. Thank goodness I read Fimoculous, because where else would I get my favorite random sites? The MTV site is a welcome break from YouTube, of which I am not a huge fan. I vastly prefer the MTV site because I don't have to remember the names and titles of good songs.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
The Danger of Money
The other day, my friend B. sent me an email telling me that her boy mentioned that he might be having financial issues. Because she is awesome, she would really like to help him.
A few months back, my boy and I were discussing his possible return to school. He really should continue his education. I really, really want to help him pay for it. I offered, and he was delighted, and that was about the end of that conversation.
A few days after my offer, I began to reconsider. Money creates messes where none need to be made.
I would feel ownership in his education if I paid for my boy to return to school. Also, I think that giving him money would create a power imbalance in our relationship. It's one thing to treat a friend to lunch, or buy groceries, or fill a gas tank. It's quite another to find thousands of dollars to spend for another's education. It would be different if we were married, or close to it. Then it would be an investment for both of us.
I think my boy was mulling the same thoughts, from the opposite prospective, because after a while, we stopped discussing my paying for his school. It's just too messy. I don't want him to feel indebted to me. Of course it would be a gift and not a loan, but the feelings would still be there.
I never want him to feel obligated to keep me in his life. I never want to feel obligated to keep him in mine. For now, things are best as they are - we provide emotional support and advice to each other, and keep financials out of it. I think B. made the same decision.
Money sometimes sucks.
A few months back, my boy and I were discussing his possible return to school. He really should continue his education. I really, really want to help him pay for it. I offered, and he was delighted, and that was about the end of that conversation.
A few days after my offer, I began to reconsider. Money creates messes where none need to be made.
I would feel ownership in his education if I paid for my boy to return to school. Also, I think that giving him money would create a power imbalance in our relationship. It's one thing to treat a friend to lunch, or buy groceries, or fill a gas tank. It's quite another to find thousands of dollars to spend for another's education. It would be different if we were married, or close to it. Then it would be an investment for both of us.
I think my boy was mulling the same thoughts, from the opposite prospective, because after a while, we stopped discussing my paying for his school. It's just too messy. I don't want him to feel indebted to me. Of course it would be a gift and not a loan, but the feelings would still be there.
I never want him to feel obligated to keep me in his life. I never want to feel obligated to keep him in mine. For now, things are best as they are - we provide emotional support and advice to each other, and keep financials out of it. I think B. made the same decision.
Money sometimes sucks.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monte Sano
I've been trying to get better at photography. I took some pictures of the snow in DC last year, and I thought they were decent enough. Lately, I've been going up on the mountain to try to get pictures of the tree leaves changing colors. That's the best part of fall. When the timing's right, a drive from Huntsville to Cullman on 65S yields some of the prettiest foliage.
Here's what I got today. They're not fabulous, because the trees are not cooperating yet.
I liked the height on this one. Still, pretty generic.
When I get better, you'll be able to see that there's a view behind these trees. Well, I'll get better, or the leaves will fall off.
I like the marking on these stones. The wall leads down to an open-air theatre. Pretty cool for climbing, or if you're a chicken like me, for watching kids climb.
I like the angle of the tree on the right. I was also trying to show, again, the height of the trees.
This one reminds me of an opening shot from Tales From The Darkside.
This was the only tree even trying to cooperate with my attempts to find color.
Since the tree wasn't playing along, I made it do so. Thanks, Photoshop!
Here's what I got today. They're not fabulous, because the trees are not cooperating yet.
I liked the height on this one. Still, pretty generic.
When I get better, you'll be able to see that there's a view behind these trees. Well, I'll get better, or the leaves will fall off.
I like the marking on these stones. The wall leads down to an open-air theatre. Pretty cool for climbing, or if you're a chicken like me, for watching kids climb.
I like the angle of the tree on the right. I was also trying to show, again, the height of the trees.
This one reminds me of an opening shot from Tales From The Darkside.
This was the only tree even trying to cooperate with my attempts to find color.
Since the tree wasn't playing along, I made it do so. Thanks, Photoshop!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Albums That Tell A Story
Last night, I finally heard from the boy. It wasn't quite the conversation that I wanted. When I called him earlier, I told him about some recent changes in my life I wanted to discuss. Guess which one topic we didn't cover? But he was on a roll, and was making me laugh, so it's OK.
(Aside: My Momma thinks I forgive too much of his shortcomings. I wonder sometimes, but I prefer him more than I want to tear him apart. No one person can be everything.)
We ended up talking about albums as a whole which told a story, or were thematically strong. The one I remember that we agreed on were Ritual de lo Habitual by Jane's Addiction. I contend that Disintegration by the Cure is another. He didn't agree, but that's because it's been a while since he's listened to it in its entirety.
I agree with Ritual for a different reason than him. When that record came out in 1990, CDs were still relatively new. Most of my friends and I had CD players in the house, but still relied on cassettes for the car. In my mind, Ritual is good because the A side is more aggressive and the B side is more contemplative and reflective of loss and longing.
I think Disintegration is strong because it begins almost as an aside, a memory of another person. It then moves into more upbeat melodies but more difficult lyrics. By the last third of the album, it sounds exactly like a miserable breakup.
Do any of you have albums you think are strong when taken as a whole? We're not discussing singles here, or even mostly strong records.
(Aside: My Momma thinks I forgive too much of his shortcomings. I wonder sometimes, but I prefer him more than I want to tear him apart. No one person can be everything.)
We ended up talking about albums as a whole which told a story, or were thematically strong. The one I remember that we agreed on were Ritual de lo Habitual by Jane's Addiction. I contend that Disintegration by the Cure is another. He didn't agree, but that's because it's been a while since he's listened to it in its entirety.
I agree with Ritual for a different reason than him. When that record came out in 1990, CDs were still relatively new. Most of my friends and I had CD players in the house, but still relied on cassettes for the car. In my mind, Ritual is good because the A side is more aggressive and the B side is more contemplative and reflective of loss and longing.
I think Disintegration is strong because it begins almost as an aside, a memory of another person. It then moves into more upbeat melodies but more difficult lyrics. By the last third of the album, it sounds exactly like a miserable breakup.
Do any of you have albums you think are strong when taken as a whole? We're not discussing singles here, or even mostly strong records.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Chaos
Many things happened today. It wasn't a bad day, just a strange one.
Momma's surgery has been moved - again. Now we're looking, ironically, at the initial date - October 30. It seems fairly full circle. We went from 10/30, to early October, to we don't know when, to either 11/3 or 11/6, and now we're back to the beginning. Getting this date took a little fast talking, but it's done.
A family member is getting the medical help she needs. Fingers crossed that all will end well. There's a lot on her, and knowing her track record, well, let's just say that it'll be an uphill battle.
My friend Wade is anticipating another move. Since she likes her current location, I hope the destination is one different than the one planned upon. Since this potential move is just under 6 months away, we'll see. Still, I haven't heard her sound this resigned in a while.
I called the boy at work, and asked him to call me, oh, say, tonight, because I need to talk about these things. It's now 10, and nothing. Ergh. It gets tough to be the one needed all the time, and to very rarely get to need him.
Oh, that's completely unfair. I'm just clingy tonight. He's been very good about listening to my life changes. And, he's been very supportive. More so than I would have anticipated.
Momma's surgery has been moved - again. Now we're looking, ironically, at the initial date - October 30. It seems fairly full circle. We went from 10/30, to early October, to we don't know when, to either 11/3 or 11/6, and now we're back to the beginning. Getting this date took a little fast talking, but it's done.
A family member is getting the medical help she needs. Fingers crossed that all will end well. There's a lot on her, and knowing her track record, well, let's just say that it'll be an uphill battle.
My friend Wade is anticipating another move. Since she likes her current location, I hope the destination is one different than the one planned upon. Since this potential move is just under 6 months away, we'll see. Still, I haven't heard her sound this resigned in a while.
I called the boy at work, and asked him to call me, oh, say, tonight, because I need to talk about these things. It's now 10, and nothing. Ergh. It gets tough to be the one needed all the time, and to very rarely get to need him.
Oh, that's completely unfair. I'm just clingy tonight. He's been very good about listening to my life changes. And, he's been very supportive. More so than I would have anticipated.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Lunch
Today I got to have lunch with two local attorneys. They were both so nice, and open, and willing to answer all my questions. My plan was to ask them the thousands of questions I have about being a better lawyer.
Instead of getting to essentially do an Inquisition on these folks, I instead got to meet a lot of other attorneys and judges. That was pretty cool, because I look forward to working with these folks in the future.
Also, by keeping my mouth shut and listening to folks, I learned a lot more about how the legal scene works here.
Instead of getting to essentially do an Inquisition on these folks, I instead got to meet a lot of other attorneys and judges. That was pretty cool, because I look forward to working with these folks in the future.
Also, by keeping my mouth shut and listening to folks, I learned a lot more about how the legal scene works here.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Voting
Are you as exhausted by this presidential election as I am? I swear, if the next election cycle is as long as this one, I may never vote again.
My Momma is a die-hard Republican. I am a die-hard Democrat.
(Aside: When I lived in Cleveland, I was a moderate/Republican. Now that I'm back in Alabama, I'm a blue-blood Democrat.)
What interests me now is that Momma is think of doing a write-in vote. For HILLARY. I wish I had that option, but I'll be voting Democrat, which means I'll be voting for Obama/Biden. It is what it is.
I'm kinda jealous of Momma. But I can't waste my vote. She can. Alabama is redder than red. I hope a lot of people agree with her.
My Momma is a die-hard Republican. I am a die-hard Democrat.
(Aside: When I lived in Cleveland, I was a moderate/Republican. Now that I'm back in Alabama, I'm a blue-blood Democrat.)
What interests me now is that Momma is think of doing a write-in vote. For HILLARY. I wish I had that option, but I'll be voting Democrat, which means I'll be voting for Obama/Biden. It is what it is.
I'm kinda jealous of Momma. But I can't waste my vote. She can. Alabama is redder than red. I hope a lot of people agree with her.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Ain't Nobody
I'm in love with songs by Rufus/Chaka Khan. Clearly I am, as referenced by this blog title.
I do worry that it's a Tuesday. I have a phone dated planned. We'll see if it happens. Yes, I am impatient, but since he lives two time zones away, I have to be strong.
So much fun to talk to B. about the increasing things we have in common. I hope at some point that when I reference B., I'm allowed to link. That's entirely up to B. though.
I got a lot of alone time today, which exponentially increases my mood.
I wish that (separated) Work Husband would call me back, so we can reschedule our lunch date.
I've been asked to do some work today, and I think I've done a decent job. It's trickier when I don't get all the parameters required.
No, no reaction from what I posted below. My endless need to know if we're going is disappaiting. That makes me sad, but what can I do?
Oh, I know what I can do. Keep working on my assignment. Distractions are perfect.
I do worry that it's a Tuesday. I have a phone dated planned. We'll see if it happens. Yes, I am impatient, but since he lives two time zones away, I have to be strong.
So much fun to talk to B. about the increasing things we have in common. I hope at some point that when I reference B., I'm allowed to link. That's entirely up to B. though.
I got a lot of alone time today, which exponentially increases my mood.
I wish that (separated) Work Husband would call me back, so we can reschedule our lunch date.
I've been asked to do some work today, and I think I've done a decent job. It's trickier when I don't get all the parameters required.
No, no reaction from what I posted below. My endless need to know if we're going is disappaiting. That makes me sad, but what can I do?
Oh, I know what I can do. Keep working on my assignment. Distractions are perfect.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Ugh, Me
OK, so I'll lay it out there for all y'all.
Months ago, when I got back in touch with him (this is how I will refer to him; not to be confused with the boy), we had a fun time catching up over Facebook. We both had lives, and interests, and it was interesting to see what he was doing now. We dated when we were in high school, and the split happened because I went away to college and was changing very quickly. I needed my freedom. I still adored him, but the timing wasn't right.
Earlier this year, we began to catch up on Facebook. Messages back and forth. I had forgotten how witty he is, and how appealing he is. After a few messages, he disappeared. I sent a silly, sarcastic message to him, and never got a reply. I figured this was because so many people leave my life. I tried not to give it too much thought.
In September, he reappeared. We sent more messages back and forth to catch each other up on our lives. The conversations moved from Facebook to phone. I was amazed to find that he sounds exactly the same. Yes, there were some differences, for both of us, but it'd been 15+ years since we were in contact.
We decided to go see Rollins. It was lovely to see him; I thought we had a good time. However, during these prior phone conversations, he found out that I'm kinda seeing someone else. This relationship, as much as I attach to it, is speculative. It's long distance. But still, there are real feelings there.
He had recently split from a long-term relationship. I have no doubt that there are strong feelings on his part as well.
Was I attracted to him? Yes. Was he? I don't know, but he was a lovely companion that evening and a perfect gentleman. As you know, I wanted to see him again.
The last time I talked to him was on the day I found out that I passed the bar. Since then, he hasn't answered my calls or messages.
It's entirely possible that the scenarios for rationales in my head are real. Still, I wish I knew what is happening in his head.
It hurts to know that we made plans for Halloween, and that he was so enthusiastic about those plans, and now I don't know if they'll come to fruition. So I just did something stupid. I got an email from NIN showing pics from one of the earlier shows. I forwarded it to him and asked, "Are we still going?"
I can't tell if it's dumber to wait for a response or dumber not to.
Months ago, when I got back in touch with him (this is how I will refer to him; not to be confused with the boy), we had a fun time catching up over Facebook. We both had lives, and interests, and it was interesting to see what he was doing now. We dated when we were in high school, and the split happened because I went away to college and was changing very quickly. I needed my freedom. I still adored him, but the timing wasn't right.
Earlier this year, we began to catch up on Facebook. Messages back and forth. I had forgotten how witty he is, and how appealing he is. After a few messages, he disappeared. I sent a silly, sarcastic message to him, and never got a reply. I figured this was because so many people leave my life. I tried not to give it too much thought.
In September, he reappeared. We sent more messages back and forth to catch each other up on our lives. The conversations moved from Facebook to phone. I was amazed to find that he sounds exactly the same. Yes, there were some differences, for both of us, but it'd been 15+ years since we were in contact.
We decided to go see Rollins. It was lovely to see him; I thought we had a good time. However, during these prior phone conversations, he found out that I'm kinda seeing someone else. This relationship, as much as I attach to it, is speculative. It's long distance. But still, there are real feelings there.
He had recently split from a long-term relationship. I have no doubt that there are strong feelings on his part as well.
Was I attracted to him? Yes. Was he? I don't know, but he was a lovely companion that evening and a perfect gentleman. As you know, I wanted to see him again.
The last time I talked to him was on the day I found out that I passed the bar. Since then, he hasn't answered my calls or messages.
It's entirely possible that the scenarios for rationales in my head are real. Still, I wish I knew what is happening in his head.
It hurts to know that we made plans for Halloween, and that he was so enthusiastic about those plans, and now I don't know if they'll come to fruition. So I just did something stupid. I got an email from NIN showing pics from one of the earlier shows. I forwarded it to him and asked, "Are we still going?"
I can't tell if it's dumber to wait for a response or dumber not to.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
My Evening + Photos!
I had a fabulous time at my party tonight. Of course the date didn't show, but whatever. I met some really cool people and I have a lunch date next week to discuss employment. Yea on me! Plus, I have gorgeous hair and I finally learned how to text. Yes, from a 13-year-old girl, but now I can do it!
I went to Jazz Factory after the party, and I met some really cool people.
These were the first I met.
Later, I met this guy, Patrick, who was dressed as Buffy's boyfriend, Angel...
Derrick and Brian are apparently good friends...
Derrick is afraid that he looks his age... I don't agree at all!
He's my age. We both look fantastic!
This is the gorgeous girl who made it all happen for me. Everyone should have such a good friend!
Tom and Derrick made even more appearances...
Tom made new friends, and by that, I mean, he was talking to others and clearly not avoiding my camera...
Brian is an amazing bartender, and spoiled us all tonight, and spoiled me on my birthday. Jazz Factory still allows smoking, as you can see from this photo.
And yet, I think you can see where my attention was...he made me laugh.
And yet he knew so many people there. This is Derrick and an incredibly gorgeous girl. I felt a little Top Model as I photographed her...
This is the pic I took when I could see how photogenic she is. I don't think she believed me, but I think y'all will...
That girl, Derrick, and the girl's boy made for a lovely photo, so I did it...
I feel badly. I can't remember her boy's name.
All in all, an amazing evening. I look forward to more. I look forward to lawyering.
I went to Jazz Factory after the party, and I met some really cool people.
These were the first I met.
Later, I met this guy, Patrick, who was dressed as Buffy's boyfriend, Angel...
Derrick and Brian are apparently good friends...
Derrick is afraid that he looks his age... I don't agree at all!
He's my age. We both look fantastic!
This is the gorgeous girl who made it all happen for me. Everyone should have such a good friend!
Tom and Derrick made even more appearances...
Tom made new friends, and by that, I mean, he was talking to others and clearly not avoiding my camera...
Brian is an amazing bartender, and spoiled us all tonight, and spoiled me on my birthday. Jazz Factory still allows smoking, as you can see from this photo.
And yet, I think you can see where my attention was...he made me laugh.
And yet he knew so many people there. This is Derrick and an incredibly gorgeous girl. I felt a little Top Model as I photographed her...
This is the pic I took when I could see how photogenic she is. I don't think she believed me, but I think y'all will...
That girl, Derrick, and the girl's boy made for a lovely photo, so I did it...
I feel badly. I can't remember her boy's name.
All in all, an amazing evening. I look forward to more. I look forward to lawyering.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Hum
I just found an old email from my boy, and it's interesting to compare and contrast the way we talked then to the way we talk now. The email is from 2000. We still sound the same.
I was on the phone when with him when I found them. I asked him if I should forward these emails to him, if only to embarass him. He said yes.
I'm not sure I want to. Especially the last one (there are four, from 1998-2000). It's pretty perfect. I don't want to know his thoughts on them.
Any advice? Especially from B.? I think she'd know exactly what I mean. Oh, Wade, as well.
I was on the phone when with him when I found them. I asked him if I should forward these emails to him, if only to embarass him. He said yes.
I'm not sure I want to. Especially the last one (there are four, from 1998-2000). It's pretty perfect. I don't want to know his thoughts on them.
Any advice? Especially from B.? I think she'd know exactly what I mean. Oh, Wade, as well.
ARGH!!!
I figured today wouldn't start well when I awoke from a morning nap and felt sad. I dreamt that I was moving from here to Seattle with nothing to show for it. No job, no good reason, I was leaving my Momma behind... However, she was essentially kicking my ass out the door and all I could think in the dream was, "Wait! I don't want to go! I want to finish the beer in the fridge with you!"
Clearly I'm getting used to living with Momma.
Wade called to tell me that there's a family crisis in her life. I hate that for her and for her family. And OF COURSE I go into lawyer mode, which tends to be the exact opposite of friend mode. I wish all of her family the best, and I hope she knows that she can lean on me, anytime...every time.
I couldn't find the precise nail polish color that I wanted. I'm going to have to experiment with the two color and mixing dish that I bought. (Aside: I'm not very good at arts and crafts.)
I started the pedi, but I had to wait to paint until Momma got home, which was about 1 1/2 hours later than usual. How could I paint? I would have totally fucked up the color if I had painted and then she came home. I would have dropped her wheelchair on my toes.
In the interim, I got online, only to see that Comcast was acting as if I never signed up. I finally was able to call, only to find out that my payment to them has not been received. I'm online now with the quite possibly most fortuitous laptop Momma ever brought home. The bill should post by Monday (MONDAY!!!) and hopefully things will go back to normal then.
Finally, I emailed my boy to find out about his plans for the evening. His response? A diatribe on just HOW BUSY he is, and then to ask for my advice. Of course I gave it, and of course I'll get over it. Still.
Seriously, people, this could have totally been a Tuesday. Let's all just hope than I can mix and paint well.
PS - I'm nervous about tomorrow. It'll be the first time in WEEKS that I've interacted with my date, assuming he shows up.
PPS - Sometimes I think my life exists as a warning to others.
Clearly I'm getting used to living with Momma.
Wade called to tell me that there's a family crisis in her life. I hate that for her and for her family. And OF COURSE I go into lawyer mode, which tends to be the exact opposite of friend mode. I wish all of her family the best, and I hope she knows that she can lean on me, anytime...every time.
I couldn't find the precise nail polish color that I wanted. I'm going to have to experiment with the two color and mixing dish that I bought. (Aside: I'm not very good at arts and crafts.)
I started the pedi, but I had to wait to paint until Momma got home, which was about 1 1/2 hours later than usual. How could I paint? I would have totally fucked up the color if I had painted and then she came home. I would have dropped her wheelchair on my toes.
In the interim, I got online, only to see that Comcast was acting as if I never signed up. I finally was able to call, only to find out that my payment to them has not been received. I'm online now with the quite possibly most fortuitous laptop Momma ever brought home. The bill should post by Monday (MONDAY!!!) and hopefully things will go back to normal then.
Finally, I emailed my boy to find out about his plans for the evening. His response? A diatribe on just HOW BUSY he is, and then to ask for my advice. Of course I gave it, and of course I'll get over it. Still.
Seriously, people, this could have totally been a Tuesday. Let's all just hope than I can mix and paint well.
PS - I'm nervous about tomorrow. It'll be the first time in WEEKS that I've interacted with my date, assuming he shows up.
PPS - Sometimes I think my life exists as a warning to others.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Return of WinAmp
Yup, I'm'a do it to you again, because I feel like it, and in honor of watching VH1 count down the 80s songs yesterday with my Momma. The rules are: I remove everything from WinAmp's playlist, and then re-add the whole mess. I get one free jump-ahead click, otherwise I'd have to listen to 'Til Tuesday's Voices Carry every time I do these. Proceeding...
1. A Perfect Circle, Orestes. Makes me sad, reminds me of an old friend and her husband. I miss them sometimes, and it's strange, because although we live in the same city, I'm sure that a call from me would not be welcome. Sometimes friendships end that way.
2. Nine Inch Nails, Parallel Dimensions. It's been on here forever and I think this is the first time I've listened to it. I'm not much for instrumentals (distinguish from classical music), but for you all, I'll try. Maybe not. It's over six minutes long.
3. Johnny Cash, Sunday Morning Coming Down. I love this song, it reminds me of college in Montevallo and sitting on the roof of a friend's house just before graduation. It also reminds me of a boy I adored for a while, and how he wrote these amazing short stories. I thought he was so creative and interesting. Turns out he wrote prose versions of Johnny Cash songs. This was way later in life, because had I known the glory of Johnny Cash then, I would have mocked that boy endlessly. And rued my taste in boys.
4. The Smiths, Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me. Wow, I was miserable when I was 14/15. All that glorious California sunshine just sucked the joie de vivre right out of me. Still, there's really not a better song for a pity party, the bottle of red wine, the candles, and the notebook for scribbling sad, sad thoughts.
5. Ready For The World, Oh Sheila. I remember having this tape when I was 12 or 13. The singer's voice made me laugh because of the British-sounding accent when he spoke. I don't know if he is British, but if not, even funnier. Like listening to the first Ministry album. Poor Al. The early 80s were tough for him.
6. Maroon 5, Makes Me Wonder. I didn't like this song at first, but I got into it when listening to DC radio. And I still get a perverse pleasure out of adding the correct cuss words into radio-cleansed songs.
7. Love and Rockets, No Big Deal. Ah, my first love. We had a rocky end to the relationship, you know the kind, where you go back and forth to that person. We knew we weren't right together, but it almost harder to be apart. This song was a B-side of a cass-single, and it (didn't really) helped when I was feeling sad/angry about him. He never was no big deal. It gets easier with time, but the first never really goes away. Enough about him. If he reads this, he'll get a big head about it.
8. Gym Class Heroes, Cupid's Chokehold. One of my childhood best friends was a huge fan of Supertramp. I remember a lot of her songs, but I don't remember this one. Also, I sometimes confused Supertramp with Squeeze. You can see where this could get musically messy fast. This song's pretty cute; I liked the video.
9. Crystal Method, Ready For Action. I doubt I've ever listened to this song either. The 90s was a pretty techno-tastic phase for me. My friends and I went dancing all the time and hit Nashville a few times for some raves. Nowadays, I generally skip over this stuff.
10. James, Sometimes. I like James. I learned about them from a British friend in college. The lead singer (assuming he wrote the songs) seems like someone it'd be fun to have a beer with sometime. Usually I just skip over to Laid and giggle while listening to it, but I'm being good and following the rules.
1. A Perfect Circle, Orestes. Makes me sad, reminds me of an old friend and her husband. I miss them sometimes, and it's strange, because although we live in the same city, I'm sure that a call from me would not be welcome. Sometimes friendships end that way.
2. Nine Inch Nails, Parallel Dimensions. It's been on here forever and I think this is the first time I've listened to it. I'm not much for instrumentals (distinguish from classical music), but for you all, I'll try. Maybe not. It's over six minutes long.
3. Johnny Cash, Sunday Morning Coming Down. I love this song, it reminds me of college in Montevallo and sitting on the roof of a friend's house just before graduation. It also reminds me of a boy I adored for a while, and how he wrote these amazing short stories. I thought he was so creative and interesting. Turns out he wrote prose versions of Johnny Cash songs. This was way later in life, because had I known the glory of Johnny Cash then, I would have mocked that boy endlessly. And rued my taste in boys.
4. The Smiths, Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me. Wow, I was miserable when I was 14/15. All that glorious California sunshine just sucked the joie de vivre right out of me. Still, there's really not a better song for a pity party, the bottle of red wine, the candles, and the notebook for scribbling sad, sad thoughts.
5. Ready For The World, Oh Sheila. I remember having this tape when I was 12 or 13. The singer's voice made me laugh because of the British-sounding accent when he spoke. I don't know if he is British, but if not, even funnier. Like listening to the first Ministry album. Poor Al. The early 80s were tough for him.
6. Maroon 5, Makes Me Wonder. I didn't like this song at first, but I got into it when listening to DC radio. And I still get a perverse pleasure out of adding the correct cuss words into radio-cleansed songs.
7. Love and Rockets, No Big Deal. Ah, my first love. We had a rocky end to the relationship, you know the kind, where you go back and forth to that person. We knew we weren't right together, but it almost harder to be apart. This song was a B-side of a cass-single, and it (didn't really) helped when I was feeling sad/angry about him. He never was no big deal. It gets easier with time, but the first never really goes away. Enough about him. If he reads this, he'll get a big head about it.
8. Gym Class Heroes, Cupid's Chokehold. One of my childhood best friends was a huge fan of Supertramp. I remember a lot of her songs, but I don't remember this one. Also, I sometimes confused Supertramp with Squeeze. You can see where this could get musically messy fast. This song's pretty cute; I liked the video.
9. Crystal Method, Ready For Action. I doubt I've ever listened to this song either. The 90s was a pretty techno-tastic phase for me. My friends and I went dancing all the time and hit Nashville a few times for some raves. Nowadays, I generally skip over this stuff.
10. James, Sometimes. I like James. I learned about them from a British friend in college. The lead singer (assuming he wrote the songs) seems like someone it'd be fun to have a beer with sometime. Usually I just skip over to Laid and giggle while listening to it, but I'm being good and following the rules.
I Love Greek
I dearly love the TV show Greek. It's on ABCFamily, and very few people I talk to have even heard of it. I found it one day by accident. I was living in DC, and was having a pity party one day, lying in bed too late and trying to find a way to spend what felt like the many pointless hours of that day.
I came across this show. I watched it a little, and figured that it was better than anything else on TV at that time. (Believe me, daytime TV is desperately overrated.) It took me about 3 hours to realize that it was a marathon. (I mentioned the pity party, right? That slows my brain processing speed exponentially.) You know what a marathon means to me, right? Time to get my happy ass out of bed and turn on the TiVo. (My bizarre rituals involving TiVo will be explored in a later post.) This way, I didn't have to watch the commercials and I had time to bathe and eat something. (Correctly read: put beer in freezer and wash as quickly as possible before it explodes.)
(Aside: Apologies for all the parentheticals. Imagine living in this brain, where every word choice leads to an aside.)
I didn't means to get into the show. It certainly didn't seem like something ABCFamily would air, considering my limited experience with the channel. From what I saw, ABCFamily only aired reruns of 7th Heaven and that terrible show with the Olson twins. This show was a bit more scandalous than those shows, in that the occasional "damn" was uttered, and there was a reasonable amount of T&A.
But I started to care about these characters, about the love tri- and quad- angles, about their intertwining friendships and romantic relationships. These people seemed like amalgams of people I knew in college, and the show tapped into a lot of the insecurities (disguised as bravado) that I, and many of my friends, felt at that age.
So now I am addicted, I actually get excited for Tuesday nights, and I am saddened that there are only 2 episodes left for the season. If you get the chance, watch it. I know it's the end, but it's worth tuning in. The topics are timely (the last episode was about a sorority presidential election, complete with cattiness and mud-slinging - awesome!) and well-presented. The show is even brave enough to make fun of itself. I love a show that understands when the writing is cheesy and runs with it anyway.
OK, enough of that for now. Does anyone else out there watch Greek?
I came across this show. I watched it a little, and figured that it was better than anything else on TV at that time. (Believe me, daytime TV is desperately overrated.) It took me about 3 hours to realize that it was a marathon. (I mentioned the pity party, right? That slows my brain processing speed exponentially.) You know what a marathon means to me, right? Time to get my happy ass out of bed and turn on the TiVo. (My bizarre rituals involving TiVo will be explored in a later post.) This way, I didn't have to watch the commercials and I had time to bathe and eat something. (Correctly read: put beer in freezer and wash as quickly as possible before it explodes.)
(Aside: Apologies for all the parentheticals. Imagine living in this brain, where every word choice leads to an aside.)
I didn't means to get into the show. It certainly didn't seem like something ABCFamily would air, considering my limited experience with the channel. From what I saw, ABCFamily only aired reruns of 7th Heaven and that terrible show with the Olson twins. This show was a bit more scandalous than those shows, in that the occasional "damn" was uttered, and there was a reasonable amount of T&A.
But I started to care about these characters, about the love tri- and quad- angles, about their intertwining friendships and romantic relationships. These people seemed like amalgams of people I knew in college, and the show tapped into a lot of the insecurities (disguised as bravado) that I, and many of my friends, felt at that age.
So now I am addicted, I actually get excited for Tuesday nights, and I am saddened that there are only 2 episodes left for the season. If you get the chance, watch it. I know it's the end, but it's worth tuning in. The topics are timely (the last episode was about a sorority presidential election, complete with cattiness and mud-slinging - awesome!) and well-presented. The show is even brave enough to make fun of itself. I love a show that understands when the writing is cheesy and runs with it anyway.
OK, enough of that for now. Does anyone else out there watch Greek?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Makes Me Laugh
The best quote from Will & Grace from yesterday:
Will: How can I make it up to you?
Karen: Pleasure us, quick and dirty.
I wish I could use that line somewhere.
Will: How can I make it up to you?
Karen: Pleasure us, quick and dirty.
I wish I could use that line somewhere.
This Will Never Get Old
It's fun to search the Alabama Bar Directory for me. And finding me. I have a title now!
OK, off to Target for miscellaneous and sundry items. I think Target should have a parking space dedicated to me by now. I must be there every 3 days.
OK, off to Target for miscellaneous and sundry items. I think Target should have a parking space dedicated to me by now. I must be there every 3 days.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sunday Driver
For the past 2 Sundays, I've escaped the very small world of my apartment and just gone driving. Last week, I took the road outside of my apartment until it dead-ended. I wound up in a different county, about 20 miles from home. It was freeing. I listened to favorite cheesy CD and called my boy and my friend B. Mostly, though, I just drove, rolled down the windows to blow-dry my hair, and got lost in my thoughts.
Today I was headed to Target (I adore Target), but changed my mind just before I got into the turn lane. I was remembering how free I felt last Sunday, and was also thinking of a conversation I had with my boy about the best parts of Huntsville. So I headed to Monte Sano to just look around for a bit. It'd been years since I'd been there. It's as gorgeous as ever, and it'll only get prettier as the leaves on the trees change color. I took some pictures with my phone and sent them to my boy.
It's nice to get away, to get lost in my head for a while, to dream, and to not be needed for a while. I think I'm going to keep this up. There's got to be other pretty places around this area where I can get lost for a while.
Today I was headed to Target (I adore Target), but changed my mind just before I got into the turn lane. I was remembering how free I felt last Sunday, and was also thinking of a conversation I had with my boy about the best parts of Huntsville. So I headed to Monte Sano to just look around for a bit. It'd been years since I'd been there. It's as gorgeous as ever, and it'll only get prettier as the leaves on the trees change color. I took some pictures with my phone and sent them to my boy.
It's nice to get away, to get lost in my head for a while, to dream, and to not be needed for a while. I think I'm going to keep this up. There's got to be other pretty places around this area where I can get lost for a while.
Friday, October 10, 2008
What I Want For Christmas
Yes, I know it's early, but here's exactly what I want for Christmas:
Perfectly lovely young man, no?
OK, here's the part where I might have to take this post down...here's what the boy looked like to me at 19:
And here's how lovely he is now:
[REDACTED]
He's going to be very angry about this. Well, I hope not.
Perfectly lovely young man, no?
OK, here's the part where I might have to take this post down...here's what the boy looked like to me at 19:
And here's how lovely he is now:
[REDACTED]
He's going to be very angry about this. Well, I hope not.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Beginning Of The End
Since I've been writing, and waiting for bar results, and failing, and studying, and waiting, and finally passing the bar, I've wondered what that would mean for my writing here. I've wondered because many of the blogs I've read over the past years have changed once the author passed the bar. Immediately, they become more careful. There are things that once could be shared with the world that can no longer. I wondered what it meant for me.
I'm beginning to learn what it means. I can't be as open about my life, because there's judgment all around. I could lose clients, collegues, and in the extreme case, my license, because of what I write.
I'm of two minds about it. One part of me says, "It's my right to publish my thoughts. 1st Amendment and all." The other part says, "I live in a very conservative state, where reputation matters above all." As much as I want to be different, to live more freely, I have to remember that I'd very much like a career in law.
As you know, I live in Alabama. It's hard to find a more conservative state than this one. Attorney advertisements are INCREDIBLY frowned upon. Here I'm not only advertising, I'm writing about the thoughts that I don't always share with others. I had enough ethical issues with helping my sister advertise her business, for fear it would reflect badly on me. In Alabama, you can be naughty, but only in a very tightly-closed circle.
Does this means I'll stop writing? Probably not. I've grown to love writing here. It's a freedom from writing in a very specific style, namely, lawyerly. I think that my tone and my topics might change though. I wish I didn't have to be this way, but I need to make a living. And making a living requires sacrifices.
For those who are lawyers out there and read this, can you tell me a bit about your experiences?
I'm beginning to learn what it means. I can't be as open about my life, because there's judgment all around. I could lose clients, collegues, and in the extreme case, my license, because of what I write.
I'm of two minds about it. One part of me says, "It's my right to publish my thoughts. 1st Amendment and all." The other part says, "I live in a very conservative state, where reputation matters above all." As much as I want to be different, to live more freely, I have to remember that I'd very much like a career in law.
As you know, I live in Alabama. It's hard to find a more conservative state than this one. Attorney advertisements are INCREDIBLY frowned upon. Here I'm not only advertising, I'm writing about the thoughts that I don't always share with others. I had enough ethical issues with helping my sister advertise her business, for fear it would reflect badly on me. In Alabama, you can be naughty, but only in a very tightly-closed circle.
Does this means I'll stop writing? Probably not. I've grown to love writing here. It's a freedom from writing in a very specific style, namely, lawyerly. I think that my tone and my topics might change though. I wish I didn't have to be this way, but I need to make a living. And making a living requires sacrifices.
For those who are lawyers out there and read this, can you tell me a bit about your experiences?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I'm Thinking
I really can't think of anything to write. It's curious to me because while I was waiting for bar results, I once again became such a manic blogger - there was so much in my head all the time. Now, it seems like I'm withdrawing. I guess it's because I'm feeling insecure about so many things.
Momma's surgery is once again on hold. Hopefully we'll have some good news by the end of next week. Watching her reaction as I told her the news today damn near broke my heart. I'm not sure how much more of this she can take. And in my inimitable style, the only thing I could think to tell her was that we're no worse off than we were when we thought the surgery would be on the 30th. Yeah. Not very helpful. I'm just not sure how to manage someone who occasionally is ready to give up the ghost.
I've been trying to write cover letters. I hate writing cover letters. I hate marketing myself. To me, it's embarrassing and just a bit too forward. I am sure of what I can do, so why should I have to explain it? And yet, I think, I'm not really any better than anyone else. I think I told you all that I was terrible at selling girl scout cookies, and that when I was a senior in high school, Momma paid all of my fees rather than making me go door-to-door to sell magazines. I've always hated having to sell. Clearly that includes me as well.
Still nothing with my DATE. I'm just going to have to let it go. Damn. I really thought I could like him.
I think the biggest thing for me is that I've got no control over anything. I can't fix Momma; hell, I'm sometimes thinking that I'm barely hanging on myself.
The other day, I remembered that I'm the only one who gets to control me. Yeah, I know, contrary to the above paragraph-light. But I've picked one thing I can control, and I feel good about that, even though it's tough. But tough things make us tougher, right?
Momma's surgery is once again on hold. Hopefully we'll have some good news by the end of next week. Watching her reaction as I told her the news today damn near broke my heart. I'm not sure how much more of this she can take. And in my inimitable style, the only thing I could think to tell her was that we're no worse off than we were when we thought the surgery would be on the 30th. Yeah. Not very helpful. I'm just not sure how to manage someone who occasionally is ready to give up the ghost.
I've been trying to write cover letters. I hate writing cover letters. I hate marketing myself. To me, it's embarrassing and just a bit too forward. I am sure of what I can do, so why should I have to explain it? And yet, I think, I'm not really any better than anyone else. I think I told you all that I was terrible at selling girl scout cookies, and that when I was a senior in high school, Momma paid all of my fees rather than making me go door-to-door to sell magazines. I've always hated having to sell. Clearly that includes me as well.
Still nothing with my DATE. I'm just going to have to let it go. Damn. I really thought I could like him.
I think the biggest thing for me is that I've got no control over anything. I can't fix Momma; hell, I'm sometimes thinking that I'm barely hanging on myself.
The other day, I remembered that I'm the only one who gets to control me. Yeah, I know, contrary to the above paragraph-light. But I've picked one thing I can control, and I feel good about that, even though it's tough. But tough things make us tougher, right?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
My Brother
Today is my brother's 44th birthday. (Sorry, Brother, but it's true.) For this special occasion, I thought I'd write about just how awesome he is.
My brother is a loving person. He protected me all my life, from my parents, from my sister, from having to be alone. He tolerated my request to join him while my Momma drove him and his date to his Homecoming dance in high school, and didn't kill me later. He calls me to check in.
My brother cares about the world around him. He is violently attached to his wife, whom I adore, and his son, whom I intend to leave everything to. The work he does requires that he must sacrifice his family obligations to protect others. 'Protecting others' includes saving family pets. When there's a natural disaster on the western side of the country, my brother is coordinating the efforts to save you, your posessions and property, and your pets.
My brother is a veteran. He worked for this country. He followed orders he may not have agreed with (I don't know), and he did it with honor and integrity. Even now, he is a clear patriot and an amazing man. He did this work without pride, because that's what you're supposed to do.
I love my brother very much, and I want to wish him a fabulous day. I wish that I could tell him how happy I am that he's my brother, and what an amazing man he really is.
I love you, Brother!
My brother is a loving person. He protected me all my life, from my parents, from my sister, from having to be alone. He tolerated my request to join him while my Momma drove him and his date to his Homecoming dance in high school, and didn't kill me later. He calls me to check in.
My brother cares about the world around him. He is violently attached to his wife, whom I adore, and his son, whom I intend to leave everything to. The work he does requires that he must sacrifice his family obligations to protect others. 'Protecting others' includes saving family pets. When there's a natural disaster on the western side of the country, my brother is coordinating the efforts to save you, your posessions and property, and your pets.
My brother is a veteran. He worked for this country. He followed orders he may not have agreed with (I don't know), and he did it with honor and integrity. Even now, he is a clear patriot and an amazing man. He did this work without pride, because that's what you're supposed to do.
I love my brother very much, and I want to wish him a fabulous day. I wish that I could tell him how happy I am that he's my brother, and what an amazing man he really is.
I love you, Brother!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Scopes Trial Photos
While reading Boing Boing, I found this: it's photos from the Scopes trial, the trial where a teacher was convicted of teaching evolution to students.
I don't know why, but I find it fascinating.
Also, a piece of my teenaged bad-assness just died...Johnny Rotten selling butter?
I don't know why, but I find it fascinating.
Also, a piece of my teenaged bad-assness just died...Johnny Rotten selling butter?
Friday, October 3, 2008
I'm Working On A Disc
I thought it'd be fun to return the boy's present in kind. He made me 3 CDs for Halloween. Yes, really early, but I was harrassing him for them. So, I'm working on a disc for him as well. The problem is, he's extremely well-versed in music, and I want to impress him. I also don't want to embarass myself with badly-chosen selections. To date, the folder I'm using is called "Potential disc for the boy". Here are my thoughts thus far. Feel free to let me know of your thoughts on each.
- The Damned, Alone Again Or
- Ruby, Heidi
- Dubstar, Stars
- Dubstar, Just A Girl She Said
- Garbage, Why Do You Love Me
- Fleming & John, Love Songs
- Fleming & John, Rain All Day
- Angie Aparo, Gravity
- Concrete Blonde, Jesus Forgive Me
- Madonna, Drowned World
I realize there's a decent chance that not everyone knows these songs. Still, if you know any, please feel free to give me your input.
- The Damned, Alone Again Or
- Ruby, Heidi
- Dubstar, Stars
- Dubstar, Just A Girl She Said
- Garbage, Why Do You Love Me
- Fleming & John, Love Songs
- Fleming & John, Rain All Day
- Angie Aparo, Gravity
- Concrete Blonde, Jesus Forgive Me
- Madonna, Drowned World
I realize there's a decent chance that not everyone knows these songs. Still, if you know any, please feel free to give me your input.
So, I Couldn't Live-Tweet
I tried, but Twitter was just a-buzz with everyone else's updates. So, I'll post my notes here. Mind you, these notes were written during last night's debate, so there's minimal context. If it helps, I'm not entirely sure why I wrote what I did when I did. But my notes are in chronological order.
- Cross state lines with health care? How much federalism does McCain support?
- McCain doesn't change his way.
- Is Wall Street to blame? Yes, but who deregulated?
- Positively affect the impacts.
- Nuclear, not nucular.
- Biden: On a civil side, I don't agree with gay marriage. (That's already here!)
- Talibani.
- I wanted to know who won. I say, no-one.
- They should probably tell her to stop smiling.
- There is no safe way to use nuclear weapons.
I got bored about an hour in and couldn't watch the rest. I called the boy instead.
- Cross state lines with health care? How much federalism does McCain support?
- McCain doesn't change his way.
- Is Wall Street to blame? Yes, but who deregulated?
- Positively affect the impacts.
- Nuclear, not nucular.
- Biden: On a civil side, I don't agree with gay marriage. (That's already here!)
- Talibani.
- I wanted to know who won. I say, no-one.
- They should probably tell her to stop smiling.
- There is no safe way to use nuclear weapons.
I got bored about an hour in and couldn't watch the rest. I called the boy instead.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
RSSTD
I just found this, and feel I should share it with you all.
RSSTD.
I think it just might define what happened with me and my DATE. Although, to be honest, I have asked him if he read this and he told me that he did not. Can't be sure if he told the truth. Also, can't call again to ask.
At least I know the boy doesn't. Let's hope it stays that way.
RSSTD.
I think it just might define what happened with me and my DATE. Although, to be honest, I have asked him if he read this and he told me that he did not. Can't be sure if he told the truth. Also, can't call again to ask.
At least I know the boy doesn't. Let's hope it stays that way.
Insomnia
Tomorrow is the surgery day, hopefully. And not hopefully. So of course I can't sleep. Instead, I'll recount the best part of my conversation with the boy:
Him: I have a confession to make.
Me: Oh? (Endless thoughts of what he could say to me, including, I don't love you anymore, or, I've decided to become a monk.)
Him: I own a Bryan Adams CD. Tonight, I'm going to listen to 'Run To You' and...
Me: Bryan Adams?!?
Him: Yes.
Me: I guess I should share a similar story...I own a Mariah Carey CD.
Him: MARIAH CAREY? Really? Oh. Really?
Me: Yes, but you have a Bryan Adams CD. Aren't we even?
Him: No. NO. Not at all.
Thank goodness, everyone, that I didn't tell him that I own more than one Mariah Carey CD, and also have her singles on my playlist. Again, I behoove you - don't tell him, K?
(However, at the end of this conversation, he told me that he loved me. I will never tire of hearing that. Plus, I thought you needed to know, because I haven't talked about him in a while.)
Him: I have a confession to make.
Me: Oh? (Endless thoughts of what he could say to me, including, I don't love you anymore, or, I've decided to become a monk.)
Him: I own a Bryan Adams CD. Tonight, I'm going to listen to 'Run To You' and...
Me: Bryan Adams?!?
Him: Yes.
Me: I guess I should share a similar story...I own a Mariah Carey CD.
Him: MARIAH CAREY? Really? Oh. Really?
Me: Yes, but you have a Bryan Adams CD. Aren't we even?
Him: No. NO. Not at all.
Thank goodness, everyone, that I didn't tell him that I own more than one Mariah Carey CD, and also have her singles on my playlist. Again, I behoove you - don't tell him, K?
(However, at the end of this conversation, he told me that he loved me. I will never tire of hearing that. Plus, I thought you needed to know, because I haven't talked about him in a while.)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
It Just Might Be Autumn
This morning was the first time I woke up cold. The breeze came in the patio door, and the TV said it was 49 degrees. It was also the first time since I've had an actual bed that I awoke with a black-and-white furnace attached to my legs.
This morning, Biggs spent most of his time crawling over my lap, rubbing his head against my hands, or curling up next to me to nap while I sat Indian-style on the couch.
Next thing that will happen? I'll be able to see a real winter coat on him, which is so gorgeous. I promise to post the glory that is the fur of a long-haired puss when it finally all grows in.
My feet are cold all day today, and my goodness, I've missed this.
This morning, Biggs spent most of his time crawling over my lap, rubbing his head against my hands, or curling up next to me to nap while I sat Indian-style on the couch.
Next thing that will happen? I'll be able to see a real winter coat on him, which is so gorgeous. I promise to post the glory that is the fur of a long-haired puss when it finally all grows in.
My feet are cold all day today, and my goodness, I've missed this.
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