Things I Thought Pre-, During, And After O'Hare

It is 3:30am and I am awake.
It is 4am and I am building a legal argument for why the gate at my complex really is a security gate, and not a gate for "traffic control" as my landlords states.  (Seriously.  I thought that exact sentence.  I then determined that I am a complete dork.  Who thinks these things?)
It's 4:44am.  Where is my ride?
It's 5am.  I'm at the airport already.  Damn, my ride drives fast.  Bless him.
It's 5:45am.  Why has the plane not taken off?
It's 5:48am.  Who hired this seventeen-year-old hipster to be a flight attendant?
It's 5:49am.  Dear hipster flight attendant:  You are not funny.  You are far too loud because the speaker is directly above my head, but you are not funny.
It's 6:01am.  I just broke the overhead light above my seat and it's dark out and I can't read and Oh God Oh God Oh God what am I going to do for two hours?

We made it to O'Hare unscathed.  The sun rose quickly and I was able to read.  The Room is an excellent book.  I will read it again because I am a speed reader so I'm sure that I missed some emotional details that haven't yet ripped out my heart.

I looked for my brother, the United pilot, all through the terminal but never saw him.  I was disappointed because we had totally agreed to high-five while passing each other on the moving sidewalk.  C'mon, you know that level of badassery is almost impossible to top.

There was a Pizzeria Uno stand in the terminal, but because it was 7:40am, it was not yet open.  Another disappointment.  I would've totally eaten uber-deep dish pizza in the morning had it been available.

I had the last seat on the left on the flight from Chicago to Seattle.  I have never had that many asses (literal asses) rub my shoulder in a five-hour period.  I hated that part.  I finally nodded off, only to get knocked awake (not rubbed, not tapped, but KNOCKED) by a woman with an unfortunate body fat distribution system.

I've still not recovered from jet lag and being awake for twenty-four hours.  But I'm here, and so is GPOM, and there have been very pleasant exchanges between us thus far.