Looking Ahead

It occurs to me that I haven’t really been in charge of my life for a while. I’ve been living day to day, mostly stagnant, with no real plans. I have things I want to do and places that I want to go, but I’ve not put forth any effort in getting there. Also, I’ve been railing against the boy for his seeming lack of planning and goals.

All this is starting to change. As I walked across the people-bridge to get to my department, looking at the sun, it finally hit me: start planning, girl! The only person who can make me happy is me. I don’t know how I’ve managed to miss this obvious fact, especially considering that my mantra as of late is, “I better do this (insert random chore here), because I don’t see anyone else racing over to do it for me.”

So here we go: By the time 2013 ends, the following will be either accomplished or in the works (I chose 2013 because that’s when I’ll have my five years of practicing law done and can more readily move without having to take the bar again (in some states); also, I’ll be forty that year):

1. I will be married.
2. If I am not married, I will use the money I’ve been putting away to build our lives together and will instead use it as a down payment on a gorgeous brownstone in the District.
3. I will go to Wimbledon with my brother to celebrate my fortieth – we’re both tennis buffs.
4. I will make a final decision about having children. If I’m going to do it solo, I will get on it already.
5. I will have completely quit smoking – hopefully that will happen WELL BEFORE 2013.
6. I will have made myself a priority – remembering to take care of me before I take care of others.

I think that’s about all for now. The list may grow. But if I don’t get started with the plan, I will (still) get older and turn bitter and be stuck in this town. There’s nothing wrong with this place per se, but it’s so easy to get complacent here and never achieve anything I planned to do.

Just writing this list - well, honestly, thinking about it as I walked in – makes me feel better. I have felt powerless and angry for so long, and it’s eating away not only at me but at my relationships as well. I can’t dream away my worries, but I can remember that there is an endgame and that I’m on my way there.