What I Did All Weekend

I know you folks have been waiting with bated breath for a recap of my weekend. Well, lovelies, your hopes are about to come true!

Friday:

It's a surprisingly large state, this here Alabama. I mean, I know it's a long state, but I had no idea how wide it is. It took me about three hours to get to Mississippi (like anyone's in a hurry to get there, but still...). In Mississippi I saw a field of FEMA trailers left over from Katrina. It was a trailer graveyard. Strange. I wished there had been a sign warning me so I could've pulled over and taken pictures.

Finally made it into Louisiana, only to discover that interstate 12 is an absolute abortion. I mean, it was terrible. Bad drivers, bad road...awful. Luckily it was the last thirty miles of my trip, so I managed to make it through unscathed.

I arrived and was a thrilling house guest, what with the alternating yawns and hyperness, brought on by a lot of Red Bull. Oh, did I have wings. But when those wings fell off, I crashed pretty hard...

Saturday:

Wade and I went to the mall and got me the prettiest prettiest dress ever. See, the boy is taking me to he opera next month, so certainly I needed a new dress. It's black jersey on the top and shades of blue on bottom, and the fabric on the bottom is accordion-style...



Saturday night Wade and I went to a casino. I was super excited, as I love to gamble. And by 'gamble', I mean nickel slots. With twenty bucks. Yes, I know what a high-roller I am. No need to be jealous. This casino was pretty bad - it was like Gamblers Anonymous created a place from which to cull new members. Wade's drink was weak, mine was strong, but that only seems fair since she won money and I did not. I lost money and pouted through a smile until we got to go home. Wade's as big a gambling enthusiast as I am.

Sunday:

New Orleans! Wade and I struck out around 1pm and hit French Quarter with the kind of vengeance a stay-at-home mother and underemployed lawyer can. We ate red beans and rice and bread pudding...



Can I just get a Twitter-style NOM NOM NOM?

Next we walked around Jackson Square, looking for someone to read my tarot cards (shut up) and maybe give me a henna tattoo. The psychics all looked pretty non-clairvoyant, so we skipped that plan. Instead, we walked past a street artist and his works, and I saw the most amazing piece of art.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bestest find I've gotten since the Hell artwork the boy bought for me:

Introducing...Demented Chicken!



I absolutely love this, and it now holds a vaulted space just outside my kitchen. Wade and I then shopping for silliness - t-shirts, other things, and then, just as we were about to have to start kicking tourists, we got out of there.

When we got back, Wade's husband took us out for Mexican food. Can I just tell you that I love Wade's husband? This was the exchange between the waitress and me (mind you, Wade has two small children):

Waitress: Something to drink?
Me: Got any Xanax back there? (Nodding towards kids)
Waitress: ...
Waitress: I don't think so.
Me: Oh, all right. Margarita rocks, please.

5 minutes later.

Waitress: Anything else?
Me: Find any Xanax?
Waitress: Unfortunately, no.
Me: Oh, all right. Another margarita rocks please.

See how clever I am? I'm sure she didn't find me at all annoying.

Monday:

I packed up my goods and got ready to leave. I walked past Wade's husband and said, "If you help me load up, I'll be gone more quickly." That man got up with a speed I hadn't seen all weekend.

It was a lovely trip. I'm looking forward to returning. Thanks Wade, Wade's husband, and Wade's small children!