Letter To My Landlord

Dear Landlord,

I'm only calling you landlord because calling you professional community management corporation is too big of a mouthful for me to handle.

The emergency message I left for you a half-hour ago wasn't a joke. I really do live in apartment #XXX, my name really is Christine, there really is water running from my upstairs neighbor's apartment into mine, and my phone number really is as I gave it. So get a maintenance person over here with a quickness, or there will be repercussions.

This isn't the first time that water's leaked into my apartment from theirs. No, I believe we had this conversation about a month ago. This isn't the first time I've had to call you about anything, to be honest. There was the uber-worm that it took me three (3) phone calls to have removed. There's been the spider problem, which has details that I care not to share here, but REALLY? You let a man into my apartment without forewarning and there was a Skinemax moment involved? There was the light switch malfunction that it took two calls to get resolved.

I realize that I'm a bad tenant, what with my paying rent on time for the past eighteen months and calling you for assistance only when I really needed it. Oh, and for the record, I am fully aware that I live in the "low-rent" section of the complex, so clearly my concerns are less than important.

But let's revisit the consequences. You may not be aware of this, but I am an attorney by trade. An attorney who paid a whole lot of attention in both my property and real estate classes. An attorney who's got just enough free time to wrangle my way out of this lease. Oh, and I do want out. I really do.

So get someone to pay attention to the water leaking into my apartment, NOW! If not, the drywall will collapse, and I will get a rather prurient view of the college-aged boys who live above me. And none of us want that.

XOXO,
C