Sleepy...Not Cheerful

Last night was a long night. No expected phone call, and that sucks because with my sister and brother-in-law here for the next few days, everything will be topsy-turvy. Mom was up at 3am, again at 5am, and my brother called at 8:30am to check on her. Needless to say, I am very tired. No nap for me though! I get to finish cleaning the apartment for the imminent familial arrival.

I really, really miss my life. I miss being alone most of the time. I miss not having to clean up someone else's used Kleenixes. I would give just about anything for some more time alone in my apartment.

My boy invited me up to visit him for two weeks. I asked him if it would be all right if I spent ten of those days completely by myself. And yet, my planned vacation to see him will be about that time frame. I'm nothing if not a contradiction in terms.

I don't know how I can do this all the time for the next few months. I mean, I certainly can - I don't really have a vote. But some days, like today, it drains my spirit to try to be the sole source of support for someone else.

Days like today remind me why I don't want kids. But when my boy asks me if I do want them, I find myself wavering. I guess what I can do is reread this post every time I think I might want to breed.

Sorry for the meandering thoughts. Imagine living in this brain!