Worries

A few weeks ago, Momma told me about changes to her plans to have surgery. Back then, we thought that she needed a hip replacement, and although we were nervous about surgery, she was so happy to get to be mobile again.

Things change. Her Mom, my Grandma, died from complications of elective surgery. Needless to say, this made Momma nervous. She decided to get checked out to be sure of her surgery risk. Since then, everything has gone haywire. She has really high blood pressure, is now on Coumadin, and is on special water pills.

We thought, damn, she's getting older and that sucks.

Now, when I talked to her today, she talked about dying, and she wasn't kidding. What do I do about that? Especially since her kitty tossed up a hairball in the basement, and my dad said, "The cat left you a present." Her ankles are huge, she has trouble breathing, and her memory/word choices aren't what they should be.

I am so overwhelmingly angry at my dad. I'm worried beyond worried for Momma. I don't know what to do.

Here We Go Again...

I posted an ad on craigslist for a housekeeper. Now that I have a steady income, I can get help taking care of my place. Anyone who knows me knows that it's a good idea.

Funny, when I posted an ad in Cleveland, I got a myriad of responses. When I posted in DC, I got overwhelmed.

Slower in Huntsville. I'm guessing that the South hasn't yet caught on the website.

I got two calls for my ad. The first thing that both said was that they were new to the area. I'm guessing I need to push craigslist a little more strongly.

But, back to the point. It was really hard to choose a person when I was in Cleveland. I'm sure it's going to be that hard again. So I have to channel my inner guy on Monday when I conduct the interviews.

Man, I hate this part. I wish I only got one response.

A Better Day

Today wasn't so bad at the bank. I got a day alone with my boss, whom I respect. Charming was out of the office. Hag came later, and we actually got 2 minutes to talk. Am I dumb to hope that maybe we can get past the rest? Well, if I am dumb, hope springs enternal. I had to really think about what I brought into the scenario that made it feel so bad, and how to fix it. I guess we'll see next week. I also have to remember that about 75% of how people interact with each other has more to do with the individuals than it does each other.

So, this all came about when one of the tellers, with whom I've chatted on break, came into my boss' office. He avoided me, went through Charming's office, and then came back out. Upon his departure, he spouted, "Hi..." I think you all can guess the tone. I replied in kind, for I am not perfect.

Yet, I hope to try again tomorrow with "M". Maybe I can make this easier on me by trying harder for a little bit.

(Yeah, I still hold a smidge of bitter. But let's see how this goes.)

Questions

I'm having some issues right now, and I have questions about them.

1. How nice am I to be to pseudo coworkers? Hag was rude enough today to bring food and drinks to everyone else in the office, and wouldn't even look at me. I know I'm a temp, but damn, I'm there too. It strikes me as so unbelieveably rude. Yet my boss thinks she's great. How do I handle this?

Ah, hell, screw the numbers. I guess I'm just not sure about how to deal with issues of being nice versus being respected. It's hard to figure out how to be a girl without being talked down to, ignored, or undervalued.

If there's anyone out there who can give me advice beyond, "Buck up, girl! You'll have your own practice soon"; anyone who has real advice, I'd love to hear it. Seriously. I feel really overwhelmed.

The Final Test

I'm awaiting the final test. Unfortunately, I can't tell any of you what it is until the result, because I don't want to mess up the outcome.

I'm pretty sure I'll win. I kinda wish I wouldn't, but I know better.

Next Day

So, here's the update on Charming and Hag...

Charming pulled me into his office before I even had time to take off my coat or put my car keys in my purse, to explain that on Friday I had made mistakes but that, "I'm not mad at you." Because I am endlessly pleasant and also me, I politely pointed out that there was no reason to be mad at me. After two or three swallows, Charming agreed, and the rest of the day went on as a day does.

When Hag showed up, she didn't even acknowledge my existance. Darn. She had called earlier and for some reason expected me to know her voice. I probably lost two points in her book because I don't know her voice. Tomorrow I promise to (not) feel badly about that.

Interesting - my boss asked me if I liked the job. I answered, "I think so." I guess that wasn't the answer she wanted, but it was the truth.

I think my downfall will be the loss of social graces. But it helps to know what graces are expected. More to come...

John, Happy Birthday!! If you are not reading his blog, get on it!

Making Bitchy Look Pretty

Tomorrow I head back to that den of iniqiuty that I call paycheck. So, after deciding that I love the nicknames for my co-workers, how do I incorporate this into my day-to-day life? I figure that calling Charming "Charming" won't be an issue, as it's not such a bad name. If only he (and the rest of you) knew exactly what that stood for. Bwa-ha-ha.

So how do I get away with calling the other person H., when her name does not begin with an "H"? I'm trying to figure out what I can say it's short for. Honey is just gross, Harlot is unacceptible in the workplace, and Hell-to-the-No is just not right. H stands for ... damn, I don't know. Hopefully I'll figure it out by morning.

Birthday!!!

It's my birthday, the day I like to pretend is all about ME!!!! I saved all my cards to open today, which I will do when the sun is up. It's hard though because I really want to open them now.

Sorry for the uber-rage yesterday. Now that I'm off the meds, I have actual human feelings that I'm still learning how to handle.

Of course, I'm not sorry to those I wrote about, as they deserve it.

PS - I just re-read that blog, and I love-love-lurve the nicknames!

New Job - Rude!!

To define the past few days at my new job, I need to tell 2 stories:

1. Today, Mr. Charming was in the office with his Hag, and they were happily chattering away. Although my little space is only a few feet away from his office, I tend to ignore their conversations. After a bit, I heard some noise, and then, Mr. Charming saying, "Christina?" I answered, "Only if you get my name right." It then occured to him that he called me by the wrong name. (That's me giving Sir Charms-a-Lot more credit than he deserves. On Tuesday he tried to pretend that he couldn't remember it.) He apologized and asked me to do the task he requested. I did, because that's my job. Hag then said, "Oh, don't get upset. We don't remember the names of temps here." Damn my 2-minute reply mechanism. I didn't say a word at the time. 2 minutes later, I realized that I should have pointed out that learning a name is not about someone's position, but about respect. Hell, Hag probably wouldn't even have gotten it. Maybe to make it clearer I should recommend that super-popular acne system. (Is it pro-active?)

2. Later, Hag and Charming were clearly speaking about me. Seriously, can't you take your whispered conversation outside? I mean, either be strong enough to say what you think, or take the whole chat outside. By the end of them leaving early, they weren't speaking to me, and I was nothing more than giddy about it.

Still, so rude. I'm trying to be the better person when I interact with them. I know it comes from insecurity. (Seriously, what man over 30 says, "I'm going to the ladies!") But it's ridiculous and rude and I'd really like to confront them both over this. I just don't know the whole dynamic of the office yet and I need the money.

Bob Forrest

As many of you know, I am a reality show addict. One of my favorites, which recently ended, was Celebrity Rehab.

I was about haldway through the season when I saw a counselor whose face was familiar and name even more so - Bob Forrest. It took me until tonight to remember to Google him, and when I did, I realized why he was so familiar. He was a member of Thelonius Monster, a band in the 80s whose music was played on KROQ quite a bit. I remember loving those songs that were played, like So What If I Did and Sammy Hagar Weekend. I especially liked the Sammy Hagar song because it was one of the first songs I remember specifically naming drugs. (This was before lyrics were bleeped. Back then, if the content was deemed objectionable, the song just wasn't played.)

How fun to see him again! It made me feel more attached to being young in California and also feeling like a grown-up. He was young and stupid once, as was I. Huh, go figure.

Of The Day

I went for lunch with my friend A. Unfortunately, our other guest, D. could not attend, as she'd headed to Florida for a week. Of course, I am not jealous. I would eat paint to show I'm not jealous. Really, I'm not.

Damn, I want to go to Florida for vacation!!

But we had a great time, and I ran into people I was friends with long ago. It's funny how you think you might still be friends, but life gets in the way and you find you have very little in common anymore. I really, really want to dish but I have to live in this town and it's much smaller than people think. Plus, first (re-)impressions are rarely accurate.

Mostly I just felt insecure. I thought that maybe I'd get more than a "hey" or a polite nod. Of course, I didn't put a whole lot out there either. It makes me wonder, will I ever feel confident enough?

I look forward to starting work on Monday. I got 2 comments from friends, which makes me think that people actually read this thing. Despite my desire to feel unworthy, I really don't.

Fingers crossed.

It's Official

I have passed my drug screen and I start work on Monday. I am so excited! I don't doubt that there will be bad days, but it's got to be better than telemarketing. (And I don't care how many people tell me it wasn't telemarketing because I wasn't selling anything. It WAS, it WAS, it WAS!!)

I figure it'll take a few days, at least, to get to know the personalities. If I were in the assistant's position, I'd be a little careful around a newbie, even if the newbie is temp. Besides, my new boss has already hinted at hiring me on full time. So I'll want to take baby steps to make sure that the pecking order doesn't get thrown around too much.

But, you know, the prospect of paying my own bills just rocks.

Birthday Wishes

For the past week or so, my family has been asking me what I want for my birthday. So, here's my list:

Hillary Clinton T-Shirt size XXL

Jennifer Weiner - Certain Girls

Augusten Burroughs - A Wolf At The Table

Sophie Kinsella - Remember Me?

David Sedaris - When You Are Engulfed In Flames

Dyson Animal Upright Vacuum Cleaner

Curtains for my bedroom - something like this, in olive or navy

My favorite socks - black

That's all I can think of for now.

The Test

In about 45 minutes I have to go be screened for drug use. I've never taken a drug test before, and it's stirring up all sorts of thoughts. The first is the belief I've had all along, that drug testing is immoral and should be illegal. The second is that going to this place and assuming the position makes me feel like I'm guilty when I know I'm not. I wonder if anyone I know is going to see me go into this office and know why I'm there. I think that even taking this test could ruin my reputation. I think that unless there's good cause to believe that I might be using, I shouldn't be subjected to this.

It makes me not want the job, really, because walking in and knowing that I'm suspect and untrustworthy by virtue of the fact that I want this job frustrates the hell out of me.

So, wish me luck. Not for the test, silly, I'll pass unless they're testing for excessive consumption of string cheese, but that I can get past being angry about having my rights violated.

Yeah, I know, all you bar applicants and passers, no state action = no violation of rights. But doesn't it feel like a violation anyway?

And PS - I can live with the liquid screening, but there's no way someone's putting a needle in my arm without a warrant.

Dear Hillary

Dear Hillary,

Please don't quit. Please, please. You are the only candidate who makes sense. I watched an interview on 60 Minutes with John tonight. Although he does have some strong ideas, there are more of yours which determine that you are the better choice.

One: He plans to reunite the Republican party. You plan to unite the nation.

Two: He thinks health care should be individual. You know it should be universal.

I saw Barack on the news as well. Please don't quit.

One: Barack is flippant. You are realistic.

Two: You're right, he talks about the dreamy future. You realize and discuss the here and now.

Please don't quit. Don't leave us; we need you. I know that I don't have the money to help you as much as I want, but I wish I did, and I believe in you.

Dear Hillary, if I can do anything to make this happen for you, I will be proud to serve.

All the best,
Christine

PS - As long as the media continues to refer to you by your first name, I will do the same for the other contenders. But that's my own determination.

Employed!!

I got the job at the bank. I think I'm going to enjoy working there. The only hoop left is the drug test. Assuming I've managed to stay away from weed, coke, meth, opiates (can't think of a good street name), and PCP, I'm good to go.

Unless the cat has been secretly drugging me at night, I figure I'm employed. I'm so excited! I really got a great first impression of my boss and another loan processor. The boss strikes me as a hold-no-punches, no-drama kind of woman, and I think the other guy and I will be OK. And, you know, if nothing else, at least I won't be a glorified telemarketer anymore. God speed to those who do that job. It really isn't for me.

So, assuming the test results come back quickly, I'll be working Thursday.

MPRE-Free!

Just 2 days past the MPRE and I feel better already. I couldn't believe that a) I had to take the damn thing again and b) it snowed and iced in Birmingham that morning. Now, I do know how to drive in snow, but Alabama has no idea how to handle it. The best part was watching the local news, ands during the live feed from the freeway, there were 2 accidents in about 2 minutes. I could almost see the anchors high-fiving each other, so thrilled to get the footage, and reassuring themselves that their jobs are secure. It's like watching the Weather Channel during hurricane season. Those folks get seriously stoked.

I have an interview tomorrow with a bank's mortgage department. Please keep all you've got crossed, as this job is full time and pays better. It also ends a little before the bar, so it would be perfect.

Oh, did I tell you about a co-worker at the MDA who found out that I'm studying for the bar. She went from looking at me like I was a waste of space to being my best friends. She pretty much interviewed to be my office manager once I have my own business going. It was thoroughly entertaining.

It's Pace Paper season again. My mom makes her seniors write a thesis about a person who influenced the world. Pretty vague, but we usually get one or two good papers. One of the kids is writing about the positive sides of Stalin. Believe me, I've seen worse. I've read more papers about how Hitler wasn't all that bad than I care to admit. The general argument is that Hitler made the trains run on time. This may be true, but where were those trains going?

The problem is that this Stalin-writing kid is plagiarizing like nobody's business. I mean, I consider myself a decent writer and I couldn't come up with the stuff. So, do I call her on it or just let her fail? Today I'm torn between feisty and cheerful so I definitely shouldn't be the one to make that decision.

Surveys, etc.

My friend M. occasionally posts surveys on his MySpace page, and back before MySpace existed, would sometimes send emails to friends with surveys. I love those surveys, the ones that ask the most random questions about my life, ranging from my sheet color to my favorite color. The most recent one I answered was about my senior year of high school. I have to admit that I do not know the mascot of my high school, and I don't even know if it has an alma mater. I do remember my prom date though!

Despite my amazing lack of funds, I've found myself digging deep to contribute the Hillary's campaign. I love me some Hillary. I really, really want her to be the next president. My worst fear would be a race between McCain and Obama, because I wouldn't know what to do. I'm a confirmed Democrat, but I just don't see the appeal of Obama. And in the 2004 election, once Wes Clark dropped out, I could have conceivably voted for McCain, but now is different. I really hope Hillary can keep up this momentum. I have to admit to giggling as I was reading my Newsweek and scanning over the Op/Ed articles about how Hillary should drop out. Makes me happy to see the pundits proved wrong.

I just got done re-reading the Codes of Professional and Judicial Responsibility in the wake of Saturday's test. I cannot imagine how embarrassed I would be if I didn't pass, after passing it a couple years ago. I doubt it would even be an issue, but it's definitely worth it to review conflicts of interest.

Finally, I called my temp agency this morning and begged, again, for a new assignment. It's not that I can't do my job, it's just that I hate it and I dread going into the office. Luckily for me, this time I got the lady with whom I already had a relationship and not the guy who's been assigned to me. She didn't know how unhappy I was. She asked if I had talked to my guy rep, and I said yes, for 2 Fridays in a row. So let's all keep our fingers crossed that I can get into a nice office administration job.

Payday

Tomorrow is payday! I love payday. I look forward to having normal income. By normal, I mean not temp work. Some day my ship will come in.

In the meantime, I have an interview tomorrow with mortgage guy. The first meeting went well, if a bit brief. This one should be more interesting. By interesting, I mean potentially sketchy. When we talked yesterday, he asked a lot of questions which I artfully dodged. Maybe this whole law school thing will come in handy after all!

Details to come.

Random

Today's thoughts:

I was furloughed for a few days from my job. I had Wednesday until Sunday off. That's OK, for 2 reasons: One, there was nothing else I could do there. Two, I needed the time off to grade papers, do my taxes, and study for the MPRE.

Biggest problem? No one seems to know what furlough means. Hell, I doubt I can spell it. Anyway, it was nice to have a break. Monday I go back to work to try to convince people to spend their time to help others.

Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to Oprah's Big Give. Maybe watching that will make me feel better about calling people.

I did finish my taxes and was disappointed to find out that I get no refund. Well, I didn't have an income last year, but I thought my expenditures would maybe qualify me for a return. And then I remembered, it's an income tax! Without an income, there's nothing going! Still, never hurts to hope.