I'm waiting for my boy to call me, so to entertain you (and myself) until then, here's my final WinAmp playlist for 2008. (Good riddance, 2008.) This time there's a twist - I've been drinking, so I get to move around to find songs I can tolerate.
1. The Damned, Alone Again Or - Interesting video. A very different sound from them. But the lyrics are captivating. A love made of either self-sacrifice or masochism?
2. Madonna, Drowned World - This song appears on many of the CDs I make. Really? "The face of you/my substitute for love". Ouch. I've felt that way so many times.
3. Siouxsie and the Banshees, Christine - Do I really need to explain this to you? This song is the source of many of my nicknames when I lived in California. Yeah, yeah. Call me "Turtle" now, and see what happens.
4. Garbage, Sleep Together - I really disliked Garbage when "Queer" was released. I knew that the musicians, not Shirley, were record producers, so I disgarded the band entirely. Man, what I moron I was. I now own every record the band released, and have friended Shirley Manson on Facebook.
5. Sarah McLachlan, Hold On - Probably not the best song for New Year's Eve, but I love it regardless. It reminds me of when my cat, Boo, died. It was October 13, 1995. My life changed. I may never forgive myself for the circumstances around it. I cried for weeks on end. I'd had that cat since we lived in Kansas, which would have been 1979 or so.
6. Britney Spears, Crazy - Who couldn't love the high school fun in this song? Is there a better feeling in the world than having a crush? The flirting and wondering are sometimes the best part of a relationship.
7. Garbage, Special - I told you I get to pick this time around. This song reminds me of Matt, a guy I dated years upon years ago. There was so much chemistry - too much, perhaps. Once the affair was over, this song saved my life.
8. Talking Heads, (Nothing But) Flowers - This one makes me giggle, and also not feel so guilty about all the cigarette butts I threw out the window when I was a teenager. "If this is paradise/I wish I had a lawnmower". I also never want to do yardwork. Who enjoys mowing and weeding? My idea of camping is not having an ocean view from my hotel suite.
9. Madonna, Oh Father - I didn't really choose this one. But isn't it a New Year song to my new freedom? Goodbye to what's hurt me, goodbye to doubt and fear. HELL-FUCKING-O to my new life of passions, enjoyment, and success, in every arena in which I want it.
10. Prince, Erotic City - I didn't choose this one either. It was sent to me on Twitter. But really, readers...it's hard to find a dirtier song, or one that makes you want to dance more.
Happy New Year, Readers. Thank you for following my crazy life, and for only judging me a little on how I live it. I cannot wait to tell you all the stories from 2009.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Oh, 2008, You Can Just Go Die
And it will, in about 3 hours. It's been a, well, "challenging" year. Does anyone else hate that term when what the speaker really means is "incredibly shitty"?
But it hasn't been all bad. I passed the bar. I reconnected with many friends, and one in particular, who I didn't even realize I missed and needed. I moved. I finally got on track to take better care of myself.
Still, I can't let 2008 go without calling it mean names. Harsh. Claustrophobic. Endless. Unwilling to let me come up for air and figure out a) what's really going on and b) what I can do about it.
Viewed in its entirety, screw you, 2008.
And 2009? Right now, I'm pretty much completely in love with you. Don't try to ruin me like 2008 did. I've learned some lessons; I won't let you make me your bitch. Yeah, yeah, shut up. In the power struggle between me and life, I know who's going to win. But I'll fight like hell this time around.
But it hasn't been all bad. I passed the bar. I reconnected with many friends, and one in particular, who I didn't even realize I missed and needed. I moved. I finally got on track to take better care of myself.
Still, I can't let 2008 go without calling it mean names. Harsh. Claustrophobic. Endless. Unwilling to let me come up for air and figure out a) what's really going on and b) what I can do about it.
Viewed in its entirety, screw you, 2008.
And 2009? Right now, I'm pretty much completely in love with you. Don't try to ruin me like 2008 did. I've learned some lessons; I won't let you make me your bitch. Yeah, yeah, shut up. In the power struggle between me and life, I know who's going to win. But I'll fight like hell this time around.
It Could Happen
Him: Have you ever thought about being a step-mom?
Me: Yes. Yes. The thought has crossed my mind.
Him: I won't say anything else about it then.
Me: Good.
I will never be an actual mother. I could be a step-mother. The bonus of this is that when my boy's son tells me that I'm not his real mother, I can answer that I know.
Holy crap. I know that this has crossed my mind, and more than that, I've discussed it with my friends. But it's the first time that my boy has brought it up.
I will marry him. Or "civil union" him.
Me: Yes. Yes. The thought has crossed my mind.
Him: I won't say anything else about it then.
Me: Good.
I will never be an actual mother. I could be a step-mother. The bonus of this is that when my boy's son tells me that I'm not his real mother, I can answer that I know.
Holy crap. I know that this has crossed my mind, and more than that, I've discussed it with my friends. But it's the first time that my boy has brought it up.
I will marry him. Or "civil union" him.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Oops
I was talking to an old friend today and was complaining to him about feeling like crap with the supercold that I have, and how I'm postulating that I have consumption.
Me: I'm dying of consumption. Doesn't it seem like a romantic, old-fashioned way to die?
Him: You're eating yourself to death?
People, I laughed so hard that I almost choked. Luckily, he's not angry with me for laughing at him. Unlike this person. Sorry about that, other person.
Me: I'm dying of consumption. Doesn't it seem like a romantic, old-fashioned way to die?
Him: You're eating yourself to death?
People, I laughed so hard that I almost choked. Luckily, he's not angry with me for laughing at him. Unlike this person. Sorry about that, other person.
I'm Thinking...
Because despite my best efforts, I find it almost impossible to turn off my brain.
- I'm hiding in the office today. I've been hiding for a few days. Maybe I'll have more to say to Momma in 2009. Not too likely, but you never know. For now, I prefer the "treat her like a roommate" approach.
- I'm re-reading Overheard in Law School, because I am a narcissist and I wanted to plug the one that I submitted. My very first blog post ever! In this search, I found this post. It reminded me of the CLE I attended last month, where personal injury lawyers seemed excited about the nature of their cases.
- I'll link mine when I find it. Did I mention the narcissism?
- I am physically exhausted from an hour on the treadmill. I kicked my ass, people. I sang along to the music (everyone else there thought it was charming, I swear) and danced on the 'mill when the pace slowed down. 500+ calories GONE! When I got off the treadmill, my quad tried to cramp. This is a good sign, no?
- I wish that when I inserted a link, Blogger already knew that I want the link to open in a new window, so I didn't have to insert target="_blank" in the hyperlinks.
- I'm hiding in the office today. I've been hiding for a few days. Maybe I'll have more to say to Momma in 2009. Not too likely, but you never know. For now, I prefer the "treat her like a roommate" approach.
- I'm re-reading Overheard in Law School, because I am a narcissist and I wanted to plug the one that I submitted. My very first blog post ever! In this search, I found this post. It reminded me of the CLE I attended last month, where personal injury lawyers seemed excited about the nature of their cases.
- I'll link mine when I find it. Did I mention the narcissism?
- I am physically exhausted from an hour on the treadmill. I kicked my ass, people. I sang along to the music (everyone else there thought it was charming, I swear) and danced on the 'mill when the pace slowed down. 500+ calories GONE! When I got off the treadmill, my quad tried to cramp. This is a good sign, no?
- I wish that when I inserted a link, Blogger already knew that I want the link to open in a new window, so I didn't have to insert target="_blank" in the hyperlinks.
Overheard In The Office
If you're not reading this, start. Right. Now. Even with my fear of the consumptive cough, I can't make myself stop reading it.
Here's a sample (I'd link but it'll change as the site updates, and there's no perma-link that I saw):*
4PM There Are Used Vibrators on EBay (Don't Ask How We Know)
Guy: Me and the wife are going out this weekend. You think you could hook me up with...uhh, some happy fun time shit?
Girl: Are you serious? I don't think I have anything you'd like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of story!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talking about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to borrow someone else's sex toys?
Girl: I...uh...
Guy (smirking): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!
Centennial, Colorado
*Right after I posted this, I found the perma-link, so there you go. I will not hide my mistakes from you, dear Readers.
Here's a sample (I'd link but it'll change as the site updates, and there's no perma-link that I saw):*
4PM There Are Used Vibrators on EBay (Don't Ask How We Know)
Guy: Me and the wife are going out this weekend. You think you could hook me up with...uhh, some happy fun time shit?
Girl: Are you serious? I don't think I have anything you'd like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of story!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talking about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to borrow someone else's sex toys?
Girl: I...uh...
Guy (smirking): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!
Centennial, Colorado
*Right after I posted this, I found the perma-link, so there you go. I will not hide my mistakes from you, dear Readers.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Gym Etiquette
As in, I have none as of late. Of course, most of the time when I'm at the gym, I'm alone. Here are my most recent peccadilloes. Since I've been sick, I've avoided the gym like the plague. I've had to, because I can barely take three breathes before I cough like I've got consumption. Deep, chest-rattling coughs that hurt to perform and hurt to behold. I am officially a huge fan of Ricola.
But now that I must kick my own ass into shape, I've returned to the gym. Yesterday wasn't so bad, in the sense that there was a House marathon on TV, so I could distract myself from the innate knowledge that I was pedalling for thirty minutes in what felt like an uphill direction the entire time. However, the coughing continued. Now people, there's only so much I can do to cover my mouth when I'm coughing that hard and trying to catch my breath and maintain my balance on the bike (not as easy as you'd think when coughing) and not become incontinent. (Sorry for the TMI.) I wiped down the bike with my towel when I was done, but I don't know how much good that did.
Today I finally got around to loading my new mp3 player with fun-filled songs to know and sing along with. And again, I was alone in the gym, singing, coughing, and biking. If this next part isn't true, I'm going to pretend it is: Singing along with the music while biking burns more calories. Doing the 1-2-3 punch of biking, singing, and coughing eviscerates calories. I forgot to wipe down the bike. Apologies to the person who rides after me. But what could I do? I had to sing along with Beyonce...
But now that I must kick my own ass into shape, I've returned to the gym. Yesterday wasn't so bad, in the sense that there was a House marathon on TV, so I could distract myself from the innate knowledge that I was pedalling for thirty minutes in what felt like an uphill direction the entire time. However, the coughing continued. Now people, there's only so much I can do to cover my mouth when I'm coughing that hard and trying to catch my breath and maintain my balance on the bike (not as easy as you'd think when coughing) and not become incontinent. (Sorry for the TMI.) I wiped down the bike with my towel when I was done, but I don't know how much good that did.
Today I finally got around to loading my new mp3 player with fun-filled songs to know and sing along with. And again, I was alone in the gym, singing, coughing, and biking. If this next part isn't true, I'm going to pretend it is: Singing along with the music while biking burns more calories. Doing the 1-2-3 punch of biking, singing, and coughing eviscerates calories. I forgot to wipe down the bike. Apologies to the person who rides after me. But what could I do? I had to sing along with Beyonce...
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