Addiction

I love candles.  Scented candles, especially.  I probably could have a much stronger 401(k) if I didn't have the endless desire to have my living room smell fantastic and be prettily lit.

Wanna see?

I particularly love candles scented like any sort of water, and more than all the else, I like honeysuckle.  (Thank you, niece, for my new honeysuckle-scented candle!)

There's one, though, that's the bain of my existence.  When I smelled it before purchase, it was fantastic.  It was other-wordly, clean, amazing...and then I lit it.  It's such a pungent odor.  It's not entirely bad, just very overwhelming.  So because I can't throw anything away that still serves a useful purpose, I've been burning it nightly to get rid of it. 

The problem is, I can't get rid of it!  Each night, when the wax is liquid, I think it's finally done, and I can throw it out.  Each morning when I get up, it's hardened into a form that insists that I burn it again.  Argh!  Will I sneeze from lotus blossoms forever?

Bridezilla

Let's just call it what it is - I am self-involved.  Clearly I am, or else I wouldn't post my thoughts on the internet.

Not that you're reading, but that's not the point.

Now that I am a bride-to-be (depending on the state of our relationship after an argument last night), I'm trying to figure out how to plan such an event without it becoming all-consuming.  At this point, I think it is all-consuming, and I need to apologize to all my friends who have had kids and have become enraptured with them.

To fix this, this is what I'm thinking.  My new friend is an event planner (I didn't choose her as a friend because of this, I promise!) and is ready, willing, and according to her, ADD-able to get this undertaking underway, no matter what sort of timeframe I give her.  Momma handed me a new list of venues and said we should look, and also mentioned a trunk sale.

So...shall I let them plan the whole thing and let me focus on my business?  I'm thinking yes.  And then I think more yes.  And then, when my moods swing, I think, why haven't they done it already?  Just tell me to stop eating for a few months and make my wedding special.

(PS - I'm making ovulationPMS a thing.  Just wait 'til it trends on Twitter, and remember where you heard it first.)

When I Have To Ask...

The moods have been all over the board today, and I think it's because I've entered protective mothering mode.  My new friend is trying to figure out how to solve a problem within her family, and I think she's being unfairly treated and more importantly, isn't standing up for herself.  GPOM's father ran his inventory the other night and he's still licking his fairly substantial wounds.

Unfortunately, protective mothering mode on me looks like a battle of words, a desire to dominate with my vocabulary, a veritable inability to handle others' peccadilloes (see?), and mood swings that run the entire gamut (now I'm just showing off).

So when I get home, take off my makeup, and put on comfy house clothes, and I find myself saying (out loud), "Are you going to be this bitchy all night?" I know that I need to take a step back, drink something cooling, and watch Judge Judy to feel superior.

Speaking of which...

A Little Bit Of Ecstasy...

There's so much going on here that it feels like nothing at all.  There've been dreams of evil babies, a ripped-off toenail, a mini-power crisis, folks with whom I work who are either gone/crazy, and a desire to spend far too much time in the bathroom with bleach.

To clean it!

I guess this is what happens when you lie back for a bit and just let life happen.  Let me tell you though, life is weird.  And I'm suddenly humming Fly On The Windscreen under my breath.  This is an upgrade for my neighbors, who want nothing more than to never hear me sing.

I'm dreaming of a new car.  But if I can't have that, how much is a new car CD player?  They still have those things, right?  Remember that I do not need an iPod deck, now or ever.

Best line I heard today:  You probe the crime, and then we fist it!

Bedazzled

A new friend has been handling all my wedding plans, because the first time I printed out a to-do list I had a panic attack and had to leave the room.  She witnessed this and just took over.  She presented me with a plastic purple organizer/divider the other day, and then promptly took it from me so she could embellish it.

The purple folder now has some version of college sorority calligraphy along with colored rhinestones.  It is awesome and I love it.

So how come I want to elope so badly?

The Story Of A Toe

So the power went out last Wednesday afternoon.  A lark, at first, until it was not, and it was pitch dark, and there were no external lights, and there were storms and storm clouds which meant there was nothing to see.  I decided to enjoy my landline and then take a sleeping pill, because there was nothing.

The next night, there was no power either.  Another pill put me to bed around 7:30.

Friday night I talked with GPOM, and surprisingly enough, took another pill.

At this point I felt like a pioneer and wished I could unlearn what I knew about technology so I wouldn't hate my life as much as I did by then.

And then comes Saturday night, where I made a MASSIVE error in judgment, and took the sleeping pill with some vodka.

Judge if you must, but imagine that your world is unknowable to you.  And the only thing you could do is try to pass the time.  So you do, in the most idiotic way possible.  Then you try to go to bed, walk into a door because you're a door-closing freak, and walk into that door with your right big toe.

Fortunately, I didn't recognize the damage until the morning.  I now have a teacup-sized lack of toenail.  It hurt like hell, and I bandaided-it, and am now gimping around like I lost a knee.

Today Momma and I went shopping.  Well, Momma, I, and the days-old band-aided toe went shopping.  I knew it needed attention, but I also knew that the band-aid was attaching to the RAW OPEN WOUND ON TOP OF MY TOE WHERE A NAIL SHOULD BE, so I was afraid of the interminable pain when I ripped the band-aid off to attach gauze.

It rained today.  Just what my town needs, more rain.  But when off-loading my groceries, I noticed that the band-aid had come off, and I could do my own doctoring without fear or pain.

Here's hoping the new nail grows in before the wedding.

PS - Momma pointed out that I now walk worse than she does.  NURSING HOME, WOMAN!

I Promise...

Being away from internet has been tricky.  Being away from power has been trickier.  Except the part where it didn't entirely suck, because I was able to never apologize because there was no-one to question me.

I think I might be overtired, and hurting, and sad, and needy.  No-one wants to deal with weak me, including me.

I have absolutely nothing to eat tonight, and I haven't eaten since about 8 this morning.  I'm hungry.

I promise to tell tales, as soon as I get my head back up into its rightful place.