I'm concerned because it's a billing cycle and my assistant isn't feeling well enough to do the work needed. By work needed, I mean sending me the list of billable hours.
Also, honestly, I miss my boy. I should think that by now I'd be over it, but I'm not. I don't want to go there; he certainly doesn't want to come here, but I'm tired every morning of waking up, rolling over, and finding that I'm in bed alone again.
So tomorrow I will do everything in my power to distract myself: work for clients, bill clients, file paperwork, harass Momma, and then come home and take a deep breath.
PS - Momma and Dad's anniversary is Thursday. Forty-nine years. Wow.
"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'" - Freud "Memories and possibilities are ever more hideous than realities. " - H.P. Lovecraft "I love you only because it's you the one I love." - Pablo Neruda
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Photos
I'm currently looking through slideshows of the most recent pictures of the boy's kid. I know I've not mentioned the kid before, because of privacy concerns and my ongoing desire to tread lightly around this subject.
I don't want to meet the boy's son until the boy and I have something permanent planned, but I love seeing his son grow up and become a child. Not an infant, not a toddler, but an actual child.
Spooky.
As he gets older, he looks more and more like the boy. I can see a whole lot of ladies with broken hearts in the future, and therefore I hope the kid has the same values as the boy. OK, OK, not all of them, but the fundamental ones I do wish for him.
I don't want to meet the boy's son until the boy and I have something permanent planned, but I love seeing his son grow up and become a child. Not an infant, not a toddler, but an actual child.
Spooky.
As he gets older, he looks more and more like the boy. I can see a whole lot of ladies with broken hearts in the future, and therefore I hope the kid has the same values as the boy. OK, OK, not all of them, but the fundamental ones I do wish for him.
Monday, August 23, 2010
So, It's Monday
...and I owe you a post, so in between writing emails to opposing counsel and researching new laptops, let me tell you about my day.
Aside: When I went shopping with pseudo-niece last week, I opened the doors for her to go in first. This is important only because it meant that the shopkeepers saw a teenaged girl enter their stores, and the disappointment on their faces were clearly visible. Until I walked in, looking to the world like her mother.
Aside aside: Sweet holy evil! I am legitimately old enough to be her mother. This seriously skeeves me out.
Back to the initial aside: The relief on the shopkeepers' faces was amazing to watch when I entered the stores. Like, "Here's the money lady!" I guess I never noticed when I was a teenager that the clerks were never happy to see me alone or with friends.
Anyhoo: I'm thinking about what opposing counsel's going to say to my client's requests. I'm thinking about how fun it will be to have a new laptop, and what a royal pain it will be to transfer data from TWO machines to the new one. I'm thinking that maybe Momma will buy me an external hard drive to make this easier and faster. I'm thinking about a wireless router so I can be online while I watch TV.
I'm thinking I need to take a shower and take the garbage out. Yes, another day in the life of a high-powered attorney.
Aside: When I went shopping with pseudo-niece last week, I opened the doors for her to go in first. This is important only because it meant that the shopkeepers saw a teenaged girl enter their stores, and the disappointment on their faces were clearly visible. Until I walked in, looking to the world like her mother.
Aside aside: Sweet holy evil! I am legitimately old enough to be her mother. This seriously skeeves me out.
Back to the initial aside: The relief on the shopkeepers' faces was amazing to watch when I entered the stores. Like, "Here's the money lady!" I guess I never noticed when I was a teenager that the clerks were never happy to see me alone or with friends.
Anyhoo: I'm thinking about what opposing counsel's going to say to my client's requests. I'm thinking about how fun it will be to have a new laptop, and what a royal pain it will be to transfer data from TWO machines to the new one. I'm thinking that maybe Momma will buy me an external hard drive to make this easier and faster. I'm thinking about a wireless router so I can be online while I watch TV.
I'm thinking I need to take a shower and take the garbage out. Yes, another day in the life of a high-powered attorney.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Shopping With Girls
Today I went out with the boy's niece. She's sixteen, sweet, more innocent than I was at her age, and very, very funny. She feels a need to explain herself, which is an instinct I remember from when I was her age. (And that need hasn't ended for me, clearly. Hush.)
We wandered around an open-air mall in this horrific heat and humidity, and explored all the stores. We went to the standards, you know, Old Navy and J. Crew, and some speciality stores. We went to a bookstore and explained why we love the books we love.
Aside - I love that she reads. I follow my Momma's truth there, where I believe that it doesn't matter what you read, so long as you read.
I'm afraid, however, of attaching too much to her. Why would I worry such? Because the boy and I are just now working on the ins and outs of our relationship, and the closer we get to actually (finally!) creating a life together, the more he backs toward and against where we are.
Honestly? I do too. Working on divorce cases will do that to a person (and especially this person).
I don't want this fabulous girl to lose a friend. I don't know quite yet how to be a friend to a teenager.
But in the meantime, is it bad that I enjoy her company, and let's be honest, that little bit of adoration?
We wandered around an open-air mall in this horrific heat and humidity, and explored all the stores. We went to the standards, you know, Old Navy and J. Crew, and some speciality stores. We went to a bookstore and explained why we love the books we love.
Aside - I love that she reads. I follow my Momma's truth there, where I believe that it doesn't matter what you read, so long as you read.
I'm afraid, however, of attaching too much to her. Why would I worry such? Because the boy and I are just now working on the ins and outs of our relationship, and the closer we get to actually (finally!) creating a life together, the more he backs toward and against where we are.
Honestly? I do too. Working on divorce cases will do that to a person (and especially this person).
I don't want this fabulous girl to lose a friend. I don't know quite yet how to be a friend to a teenager.
But in the meantime, is it bad that I enjoy her company, and let's be honest, that little bit of adoration?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Greedy
I miss the boy and I'm not getting the attention I feel I deserve. Mind you, I feel that I deserve it, not that it's something I should have. He's certainly free to get what he wants.
I like it better when he's here - when I can read him.
Sweet Christmas, ain't I something?
Ladies?
I like it better when he's here - when I can read him.
Sweet Christmas, ain't I something?
Ladies?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Airport
So, my one-day reprieve is over. I took the boy to his parents' house, and he seemed surprised that I didn't come in. Well, honey, I had a meeting at noon, plus I've not showered, am wearing no makeup, and the outfit I have on is yesterday's. Plus, there's a very active four-year-old boy in there. So thanks, as much I want to be around you FOREVER AND EVER, I will not be joining you in your folks' house.
In an hour I'm leaving to go to the airport to say goodbye to the boy. I absolutely do not want to do this. This is because once I see him leave, he's gone, and I won't see him again for months. I don't want him to go. He doesn't want to go. We've had such a good time together. We ate out a lot. We stayed in a lot and watched TV.
He is now addicted to Teen Mom. See what I do?
So we drank and ate and laughed and talked and laughed and talked and laughed and talked. And once he's gone, how will I fill the time? I've gotten used to seeing him three or four times a week. I've gotten him used to being, at the furthest, four-and-a-half miles from me.
I better go take a shower.
I don't think my mascara's waterproof.
In an hour I'm leaving to go to the airport to say goodbye to the boy. I absolutely do not want to do this. This is because once I see him leave, he's gone, and I won't see him again for months. I don't want him to go. He doesn't want to go. We've had such a good time together. We ate out a lot. We stayed in a lot and watched TV.
He is now addicted to Teen Mom. See what I do?
So we drank and ate and laughed and talked and laughed and talked and laughed and talked. And once he's gone, how will I fill the time? I've gotten used to seeing him three or four times a week. I've gotten him used to being, at the furthest, four-and-a-half miles from me.
I better go take a shower.
I don't think my mascara's waterproof.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A One-Day Reprieve
The boy was scheduled to leave today, but in the time-honored tradition of me missing my flight to DC in June because I apparently can't read an itinerary, he missed his flight.
Darn.
Although it costs a fortune to change a ticket, I'm so glad to get him for one more night. The tears I cried this morning have dried and hopefully I'll feel a little stronger tomorrow so I don't have to go through them again.
Darn.
Although it costs a fortune to change a ticket, I'm so glad to get him for one more night. The tears I cried this morning have dried and hopefully I'll feel a little stronger tomorrow so I don't have to go through them again.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
A First
Apologies. I know I've been neglecting our discourse. When the boy is around, everything else falls to the wayside, including my telling you stories. He's leaving on Wednesday and I'll be a better writer once I get done with the sobbing.
Today the boy and I went to Cita's place, because she and I have been texting about a visit for a while now. Schedules have been crazy, and the boy likes NEVER HAVING PLANS while in town, so this was a delicate balance, but I'm glad it's happened.
Aside: One of the boy's favorite things to say is that he's never go to Iraq for any amount of money. But after seeing Cita's place, he reconsidered. So cute.
I was so happy to see Cita's husband, back from Iraq, home safely. He might have been a little taken aback when I hugged him, but is there a better time to hug someone than when he returned safely from a war? He'll be all right.
Cita, her husband, the boy, and I got on famously. I'm so glad to introduce him to the important people in my life. I got to see Cita and her husband joke and play, and they got to see the boy and I interact. I loved this afternoon.
Afterwards, the boy and I went out to dinner and, like you do, discussed our afternoon with them. "I like them, they're good people," the boy told me. (Well, yeah!) Then we discussed how our relationship is and should be. It was a good conversation.
Tonight I texted Cita to thank her for having us over, and that WE had a great time.
This was my first WE.
Today the boy and I went to Cita's place, because she and I have been texting about a visit for a while now. Schedules have been crazy, and the boy likes NEVER HAVING PLANS while in town, so this was a delicate balance, but I'm glad it's happened.
Aside: One of the boy's favorite things to say is that he's never go to Iraq for any amount of money. But after seeing Cita's place, he reconsidered. So cute.
I was so happy to see Cita's husband, back from Iraq, home safely. He might have been a little taken aback when I hugged him, but is there a better time to hug someone than when he returned safely from a war? He'll be all right.
Cita, her husband, the boy, and I got on famously. I'm so glad to introduce him to the important people in my life. I got to see Cita and her husband joke and play, and they got to see the boy and I interact. I loved this afternoon.
Afterwards, the boy and I went out to dinner and, like you do, discussed our afternoon with them. "I like them, they're good people," the boy told me. (Well, yeah!) Then we discussed how our relationship is and should be. It was a good conversation.
Tonight I texted Cita to thank her for having us over, and that WE had a great time.
This was my first WE.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Family Fun
The theme of this visit has been family. When I was in Seattle last, the theme was OW! because I couldn't seem to stop injuring myself.
His parents invited me out to dinner on Thursday, we ate delicious Mexican food, and I discovered that the boy's mother and I share a mutual hatred of screeching children and a mutual love of Project Runway. She's got that splash of bitterness that I recognize in me and and in my own Momma. Boy Momma and I are going to be just fine. The boy's father is a very sweet man, who loves old comedy and the occasional esoteric reference. I can see where the boy gets many of his habits and inclinations.
Sunday we went to meet my Momma for brunch. Momma had met the boy before, but it was about twenty years ago and I'd like to think we'd all grown up some. I believe that she thinks he was too "fast" for me back then and she's always been a little reticent about the boy's and my relationship. I asked her to have an open mind, and I think she tried. At least, she thawed throughout the meal. It was tense at first, but it is also approaching one million degrees (without the heat index) and that shortens tempers. Still, she smiled at the boy a few times and when I came back from a visit to the ladies', they were having a friendly conversation.
So we'll see. I'd like my family to like the boy, at least the way his family likes me. But if they decide not to, well, there's not a lot I can do about that.
His parents invited me out to dinner on Thursday, we ate delicious Mexican food, and I discovered that the boy's mother and I share a mutual hatred of screeching children and a mutual love of Project Runway. She's got that splash of bitterness that I recognize in me and and in my own Momma. Boy Momma and I are going to be just fine. The boy's father is a very sweet man, who loves old comedy and the occasional esoteric reference. I can see where the boy gets many of his habits and inclinations.
Sunday we went to meet my Momma for brunch. Momma had met the boy before, but it was about twenty years ago and I'd like to think we'd all grown up some. I believe that she thinks he was too "fast" for me back then and she's always been a little reticent about the boy's and my relationship. I asked her to have an open mind, and I think she tried. At least, she thawed throughout the meal. It was tense at first, but it is also approaching one million degrees (without the heat index) and that shortens tempers. Still, she smiled at the boy a few times and when I came back from a visit to the ladies', they were having a friendly conversation.
So we'll see. I'd like my family to like the boy, at least the way his family likes me. But if they decide not to, well, there's not a lot I can do about that.